LunarMusings

Sunday Scribblings : Rooted

I haven't contributed to Sunday Scribblings in much too long!  Traveling through India has taken me out of my usual routine, so I haven't been able to frequent the sites that I normally do, on a regular basis.  This weeks topic of "Rooted" spoke to me however, and I am glad that I stopped in for a little peek.

Being away from home for almost 7 weeks now, has been a immense eye opener.  So many feelings have surfaced... shock, overwhelm, alienation, separation, fear, thrill, wonder, discomfort, irritation, frustration, awe, bliss, heartbreak in the most delicious way, exhaustion, arrogance, judgment, surrender, longing, surprise...  I'm sure there is more, but for now, this paints enough of a picture.  I have been taken out of an environment that I have known all my life, a daily existence that I, myself have created bit by bit, and thrust into a sea of chaos.

One of the things that I have discovered with great surprise is how rooted I am to my life back home.  When I left, I needed a break.  I was tired of my daily existence, needed an opening to expand into new territory, but unsure of how to make that happen.  I left amidst jokes from friends and coworkers that I wouldn't return, but inside I knew that of course I would.

Some may call it attachment, but I don't see it that way.  There is an magnetic pull to places we establish as home.  And I am aware that Home can be a people, a place, or dwelling, a relationship, the deep seated truth within.  Home is many things, and I also think that Home is a Life.  The life that I have created for myself although smaller then I would like it to be at the time of my departure, it was and is mine.  Every detail has been created by me.  My work, my schedule, my interests, the smells in my home, my beautiful kitty, the friends I have, the location of my home...  All of those things and more are chosen and created by me.

These things, these familiar parts of my existence exert a magnetic pull on my being, on my soul.  Its a like homing device.  It IS a homing device.  I feel it while here in India.  Pulling at the deeper parts of me.  My cells wonder where the mist of the Pacific Ocean are, my hands miss the daily touching of massage work, and the one on one contact with my clients.  I feel the distance, the vast expansion in proximity between me and my tribe.  The rhythm of sharing our life events has been disrupted in some way.

One of the things that being here has given me, is an ease in seeing myself living elsewhere.  For a while now I have been talking and thinking about moving to the Bay area.  And I find it funny that with all this awareness of how rooted I am to my life, I feel freer to move that life to another place altogether.  Its a paradox I don't completely understand yet.  And I am sure that as time passes it will reveal its secrets to me. 

For now, I am basking in the beautiful awareness of gratitude I have for the roots that ground me in a life that I love.  This is such a gift.  Truly.   

Ganga Ma(very long)

The Ganges River is to my knowledge the holiest river in the world.  People from all over India, and the world come here to bathe away their sins and be washed anew, they come here to die, and be cremated on the shores.  Cows drink and relieve themselves here, the river provides drinking water for many many people.  This River is the Goddess in all Her aspects.  Its the birth of beginnings, the renewal needed to continue on in sustained life, its the death taker when it is time to pass on to another world.  The entire cycle of our human existence is contained and represented in this River, both literally and figuratively.  It is worshiped by the people of this country as well as the rest of seekers through Hindu paths.

Varanasi is the main place of pilgrimage for this River.  But truly?  The river here is so septic, so toxic that I had no intention of going anywhere near the water while in Varanasi, which we haven't gotten to yet.  So I had set my sights on Rishikesh, which is one of the northern most towns that sits closest to the mouth of the river in the Himalayas.  Hoping the water would be cleaner here I had intended on bathing in the Ganges in my own ritual of cleansing and recommitment to the Goddess path I have been walking for over 11 years now.

So imagine the weirdness I felt when Jon and I were standing on the Lakshman Jula bridge suspended over the Ganges, getting ready, not to take a dip in the river in some inspired ritual of celebration and renewal, but to go on a rafting trip down the river!  I looked at him and said something to the effect that it was the craziest thing ever! 

I have to say here that I am completely in love with river rafting.  The first time I did it was last September when we made our trip to the Adirondacks with friends and rafted down the Hudson River.  It was so beautiful, so exciting, and just simply thrilling.  While looking through our Lonely Planet guide in preparation for coming to Rishikesh, I saw that they had Rafting Outfitters, and thought that I HAD to do it again!  But this morning I thought, "hu?  Is this what I should be doing here?  Here?  On this sacred river?"

So on we went to find our van.  There were 10 of us total on the raft including our guide.  There wasn't as much preparation or instruction as we had the first time I went, but I shrugged it off, as the river was running pretty low on water, and I thought that perhaps the river was a class 2 at most.  We got in and went for it.

What can I say?  The water was cold, crisp, the rapids that came were actually up to a class 3 and it was thrilling.  We all jumped in, and I realized, I was dunking my self in Ganga Ma!  Certainly not the ritual I had envisioned, but there I was, floating on my back letting the water carry me as She will.  Through the rapids, and the waves, I tried soooo hard to keep from smiling and squealing in glee, but I couldn't help myself, and I swallowed ALOT of water.  Yes.  You read right.  I drank of Ganga Ma.  I looked over at Jon, and thought "Oh gawd... I am so going to need antibiotics after this!" 

But as we were drifting along in the placid section of the river I thought with a smile that this was perfect.  This was Ganga Ma.  The living, the dying, the rotting, and the divine play that it all is.  I was playing along the surface and the rhythm of the Sacred River and it was just as sacred a ritual as any other I could have created for myself.  In Sanskrit there is a word, Leela.  It is the word representing Divine Play.  And I thought, or perhaps remembered that thats what all of this is really.  It is all God/dess, and we were merely floating along life in the Divine Play that everything occurs in.  I felt so in a state of joy and thrill... I couldn't stop smiling... and of course more water splashed into my mouth and nose!

(I have to take a bit of a pause here, to send a private note to dear Lisa, who when saying goodbye to me before my leaving for India said in the most ominous tone, "Do NOT go in the water!  DON'T go in that river."  Well sweetie... not only did I go in, I swallowed! ;)

As we drifted along, there was a bend in the river with a small sandy beach.  There was a huge crowd of rafts and people gathered in the water and on the sand.  For a while we thought that perhaps someone had drowned.  As we got closer we realized that a jeep had careened off the cliff overlooking the river, and people were trying to pull the jeep out of the water with ropes off of all the rafts.

It was so surreal.  We rafted over as well, and the scene was ugly.  On the beach in front of our raft was a man lying face up with blood coming out of his mouth.  It was obvious to me he was dead.  There is a palpable density to a dead body that I can't explain, but its visceral in its effect on me, and I assume others who pay attention to such sensations.  On another raft was a young boy in shock with blood on his shirt, and next to him was a young woman with blood all over her face, her eyes closed, and it appeared she was coming in and out of consciousness. There was also a young man who appeared better off then the others, but very dazed.  I later realized he had a very bad concussion, but not other obvious external injuries.

The cliff top was high.  I have no way of guessing now how many feet the road was from the bottom.  But finding help was a challenge, as people tried to use their cell phones, and others continued to struggle with the jeep, which I couldn't quite understand. 

Finally, two guards or scouts or police officers came running down the cliff along a makeshift path and checked the man on the beach.  After checking for a pulse, they determined him dead and moved on to the group on the raft.  There was much chaos and no one seemed to be in charge, not even the officials.  Finally, and I'm not sure how or why this happened, but all three injured victims were put on our raft, so that we could take them to a hospital or somewhere down the river where there could have access to transportation in order to get them there.

I think that from this point on, I felt like as if in a dream.  I don't know that I was in shock, but I was a bit numb, a bit in a state of disbelief.  In a matter of seconds the mood and the energy of the day had completely changed, and we were now trying to get them in our raft in a way that wouldn't further injure the girl, and still fit us all in so we could paddle as fast as possible to get them to proper help. 

I somehow ended up on the front end of the raft.  The two front paddlers are the ones that set the pace for the paddling, and it became for me some sort of trance meditation.  All I had in front of me was the dig in, pull back, lift, bring forward and dig in again rhythm of the paddle in the water.  That was my entire world for however long it took us to get to the next stop.

We stopped at a ghat that was apparently close to a clinic.  People rushed down to assess and help.  The clinic was apparently only capable of first aid assistance so they asked the boy questions, which he couldn't answer due to his shock, and gave the girl what I can only guess was a sedative or perhaps a pain killer.  She couldn't open her eyes, or speak, her leg was possibly broken and she had a severe concussion on her forehead.  She could respond at times to prompts with hand gestures and after receiving the injections was able to write down a phone number of relatives in New Delhi.

We were then instructed to take them further down the river for a place to carry them to the hospital.  We paddled again.  The squeals and shouts of fun were now replaced with a thick silence with the exception of the occasion command or questions for the victims.

After landing at another ghat past the Lakshman Jula bridge, the doctors that had met us at the other side of the river a 1/2 of a mile back were there waiting.  The men gathered a long rug, placed the girl on the rug and carried her up stairs and onto the road.  From there a car was waiting, and all three victims, along with a girl from our raft group went to the hospital. 

I asked another one of our raft mates what had happened, as they had been able to extract bits and peices of the story from the little boy when he was able to be coherent in Hindi.

And here is what I learned. The man on the beach "cracked his head open" and died, and was the father of the boy and girl.  The mother was trapped in the car under water and "lost". Which explained why there was so much effort to get at the car.  The young man with the concussion was the driver and then there was the young boy and young woman, his sister.

Once the car drove away, our rafting group disbanded as we were all near where we had started and were staying.  3 of our crew ended up with the victims at the hospital in order to see to their care and help in any way they could.  Jon and I walked back to our guest house in silence.

When we got back to the room, Jon asked me how I was doing.  Truthfully, I was numb.  Not feeling anything really.  I remembered that in a very detached manner, I had looked at the dead man on the beach and thought in amazement, how one minute we are going about our lives and the next minute the lights are just out.  We die.  I never quite know where to file that in my brain.  But sitting there in our room, I really couldn't come up with any emotion at all.  He then asked me if I had done this before?  Had I helped rescue or assist in a rescue before?  No.  I hadn't even thought of that or to name it that.  I was in shock.

After taking showers, and taking a nap, while Jon worked on his laptop, we went to lunch.  I noticed that I was feeling tingly all over and a bit lightheaded.  I realized that it was part hunger, and adrenaline aftermath, and some anxiety as well.  We bagan to dialogue a bit about the whole experience and I felt my self come back into my body.

I still don't quite know where to place this day in my brain, my body, my experience.  I am not lost on the fact that Ganga Ma showed me many of Her facets, and that this accident was certainly part of that.  And I wonder or perhaps realize that death, tragedy, abrupt shifts in reality are also part of the Divine Play.  It all means the same to the Goddess, it all carries the same wieght.  This isn't something that I totally understand, and yet my brain recieves it.

Ganga Ma was as intense as I imagined, only not at all the way I had envisioned. 

This preteen boy, and older teenage girl are now without parents.  They have family who will undoubtedly take them in and care for them.  The trauma of todays events will have whatever effect it has to have on them.  Life is what it is and we survive through it.  But if you remember or think of it throughout your day, or even now as you read this, take a moment to send them a bit of comfort, some warmth, some peace and healing as they move into a life that holds a very different landscape then the one they knew this morning.

Much love,

e

Taj Mahal and Childhood Dreams

About 4 days ago, Jon and I made the 14 hour bus ride from Jaipur to Agra to see the Taj Mahal.  This was a marathon travel day, because we landed in Agra at around 5:30 am and by 10 am we were on another train to Delhi, in order to turn around and catch a bus to Dharamsala.  It was craziness, and we spent over 30 hours traveling in the course of two days!  All of this to catch the Taj Mahal before embarking on the last leg of my trip.  We questioned how worth it it would be to do this, as there was nothing else we wanted to see in Agra, and it was out of our way for where we ultimately needed to end up.  But this is the Taj Mahal.  One of the wonders of the world, and how could we come here and not see it?

I wavered for a while because I am caught up in the reality that my time in India is coming to an end and there is still so much to see, and so much that I have had to cut out of my itinerary due to being a bit greedy with what I did want to do here.  But the reality was also that at the age of 7 my teacher Mrs. Wilkes taught the class about the Taj Mahal, and the story behind it, and I fell in love.  Romantic to the core, even then, I thought it was the most beautiful story I had ever heard and decided I wanted to go there one day.  So we went to Agra.

Upon arriving at the park and entering the gate that leads to the TaJ Mahal this is what I saw:

I can't yet find the words for what I felt.  I became emotional and teary.  Some deeper part of me had arrived at a dream a little girl created almost 30 years ago.  It sadly, isn't often that I find myself in a moment of a dream come true of this magnitude.  I surprised myself with how potent it actually was for me.  And the beauty... The beauty was overpowering.

We took probably 100s of pictures.  In the end I kept about 5, which is typical of me.  But the sensation in me, in my body, at roaming inside and outside along this immense monument, and what has been a seed deeply planted in the part of my heart that dreams and longs for the larger then life, just burst open again and again as I marveled over the fact that I was actually HERE! 

The structure itself is an architectural and design work of art.  The inlays of semi precious stones, the marble and the constant changing of colors of the structure as the Sun makes its way across the sky are beyond enchanting.  If you are ever around these parts of the world you must come and see it.  Just Being here strengthened my capacity to dream and fueled my commitment to beauty.

And so so romantic...

New Moon in Aries 2007

Aries Moon is a potent one.  Aries is the first sign.  The first one out the gate so to speak.  Its initiating, identifying, renewing.  Its about the lust for life that propels you forward into new frontiers and adventures.  It is also about the identifications you give yourself.  The key phrase for Aries is "I Am".

Being here in India feels like one big Arian ride already.  Everything is new, everything is a new frontier and adventure.  It has certainly been filled with revelations about who I am and am not at this place in my life.  And those awareness's have been challenging.  I came here knowing that there would be a stripping away of the unnecessary.  Those ego constructs that keep me living in an illusion of safety, comfort, and self importance.  My ass has been kicked good and proper, and I still have 2 more weeks here!

Amidst the stripping has come an opening in my Center.  Space is being created anew, and I am being flooded with creative inspiration that has been very scarce these last few years.  I am grateful for this in so many ways.  With the creating of new space comes discomfort as well as joy.  I am finding these days that things are not easy in my relatings with my Love, and  things are not easy with my old wounds coming up for review while I sweep the landscape clean.  Its a very raw time for me. 

While sitting with this Lunar energy, I am moved to name myself.  In a ritual of renewal, it is important to really state for myself and for the universe the "I Am" of me.  Which of course in many ways, in a paradoxical way flies in the face of all of this ego stripping that has been occurring for me.  I am not sure how to reconcile that.  Perhaps the need to name myself is a reaction to the ego stripping.  Or perhaps the ego stripping has allowed room for the True of mySelf to come through and be witness by myself and others.  I am not sure.

What I do know is that naming ourselves is an empowering act.  Especially when embarking on a new leg of the spirits journey.  Its a reclamation of what has always been, and a statement of commitment and acknowledgment of what will manifest.  I encourage us all to take some time to name ourselves in whatever way you are called to.  It can be a new spirit name, or it can be a series of proclamations to yourself and the world regarding the path you take on this Earthwalk. And if you feel so inclined, please share your name(s) here on my comments list to share with me and others so we may support each other in our work.

I am a Woman.
I am a Writer.
I am an Artist.
I am a Healer.
I am Open.
I am Self Possessed.
I am Beauty-filled
I am Love.
I am Potent.
I am Raw.
I am Transparent.
I am New.
I am Abundance.
I am My Own.
I am Free.

Blessed Be.

Indian Food and Eating Organic

The food here is so delicious, it defies description!  My favorite cuisine is Indian, so its no wonder that I have been eating my way through this country.  The Dosas, the Dal dishes, the Papadams, the Masala Chais, the Samosas, the Thali plates, the COCONUT!!!, the curries, the spices... I could go on and on. 

I haven't really censored my food choices here.  Before arriving in India, I was becoming aware that my health issues of the last couple of years might be a product of food allergies.  I hadn't gone on a food allergy diet to figure out what could be causing the trouble, because I knew that I would be traveling through India for two months, and I knew that it would be challenging to have some type of restrictive diet while here. 

At home I eat a vegetarian diet, which includes the occasional egg, and cheese.  God, I love cheese!  And I know that this is a problem food for me and as a result try to purchase organic cheese as much as possible.  Also, about half of the produce I buy is organic, as I still tend to buy produce that is out of season, when cooking specific dishes.  My sugar intake?  Well... ;)  Its cyclical depending on the time of the month, and it usually comes in the form of Coke, or chocolate.  I only drink coffee in the colder months.

With all that said, I have eaten whatever I wanted here.  Cheese, milk in my tea, sauces with cream, rice with every meal, Masala Chai with sugar, Cokes with dinner, breads of all sorts, yogurt in quantities I have never consumed before, EVER. 

I have never felt as healthy as I have while being here.  My digestion is working at what feels like a normal rate, as opposed to the slow slow rate before.  I don't feel that overstuffed lethargic feeling after meals.  And the meals here tend to be heavy by nature.  The pain in my upper abdomen is gone.  My movements have been good with the exception of that bout of Delhi Belly Jon and I had a few weeks ago! ;)  The only time I felt like I did back home after a meal was when in Mumbai we were served grilled cheese on white bread, and the cheese was Velveeta... probably imported from the States.  I also had the same type of cheese at a Western restaurant, and had the same symptoms.

So here's the thing...  In a country where Zagat would probably give an F- to most restaurants, and a country we term a "developing nation" with very very poor waste management ( the stories I could tell you about kitchen conditions would floor you) and a place where there is a lack of what we in the States would call agricultural advancement, the food seems to be kinder to my body.  The cheese... I am sooo lactose intolerant at home.  Here?  Not a problem at all.  And the way I FEEL... there is such a profound difference in my body that I marvel about it on a regular basis.

I have often lamented in the last couple of years that in my aging, my body has a harder time dealing with things and I've become frustrated with not being able to eat as I once did, without concerns.  But what I have always known through all of my reading is now a much more personal reality.

The quality of our food in the United States has decreased dramatically over time as we continue to process more, deplete food more, and inject our meats with chemicals, hormones, antibiotics and who knows what else.  It drives home for me even more the absolute necessity to buy organic, and also reinforces for me my choice to not eat any animal products. What scares me about this however, is that I don't even know if organic is enough.  Is our organic produce truly organic, or have we contaminated our soil so much that its impossible to produce healthy, wholesome food?  The truth is that I have no idea how organic the food in India is.  But I am sure that it doesn't go through the amount of processing that our food goes through back home.

It also makes me wonder what we are doing to ourselves, and how it will effect the overall health of our generation and those to follow by eating the diet that we eat, with food that is less and less resembling its natural state.

There are so many resources to look at with regards to all this.  I apologize for not having them handy here.  I have them on my computer at home.  I do however encourage all of you to do some research on your own.  The fresher the food, the closer to its natural being it is the better it will be for our bodies, and our healthy longevity. 

I have recommitted myself to purchasing 100% organic, and to making the extra effort to funnel my money in this direction as it is a bit more costly to buy organic then it is to buy conventional.  I think this is also another area of research and activism that is important.  The cost of healthy vibrant food should not be prohibitive to people with lower incomes.  And sadly, it is.

And for me, this also reminds me of why I became a vegetarian to begin with.  Over the years my commitment to a vegetarian lifestyle has become more about compassionate consciousness, but I am now brought back to the reality, that our meat industry is producing poisonous food that is wreaking havoc on our bodies and environment.

This is something I really want to dive deeper into and want to share with you here.  Once home, I will post more about resources, podcasts and websites for all of us to share.  But if now any of you have information, thoughts or stories to share about this, I would love to read them!

Blessings,
e

 

The Gaze...

For the last week or so I have been entranced by the gaze I have encountered in the women, young and adult, of India.  The deep black pools for eyes, the steady held gaze that does not look away. 

It does not look away. 

There is a potentcy here.  A lesson. A knowing.  I have seen it more and more as we spend more time in Rajasthan as well.  The women here are different.  They seem to hold within them an ancient mystical text that can only be revealed through the gaze, if you are lucky enough to recieve it. 

I look into these eyes and I see the Goddess, in Her many forms.  The Unwavering Mother.  The Terrifying Protectress, the Mystery Weaving Enchantress.  The Beginning and End of all things. 

I want to absorb this Womanly awareness, and let it bathe every one of my cells. Its intoxicating, and awe inspiring, and a true portal into the the Mystery of Woman.

Stillness...

This picture was taken while we slowly cruised along the Kerala Backwaters on our house boat.  The water, her dress color and the sense of the image convey a bit of what I'm feeling right now.

We are in a town of Rajasthan called Pushkar. We have slowed down tremendously, and have been living a very sleepy, slow, and lovely life these last few days.  We both needed some respite from the frenzy of Delhi, where we both ended up with a case of Delhi Belly.  Not pretty.

On the day after our arrival to Pushkar I emailed a friend and the following is what I shared about our place here:

We are staying in a room on the roof of a lake side hotel.  And the roof is our balcony and we have a view of the entire lake, which is completely surrounded by Ghats.  Its a Holy city, and there is chanting and singing every morning at sunrise and sunset over the loudspeakers across the lake.  Our first night was last night, and as we stood on our balcony, the moon started to rise over the mountain range in front of us, and I was moved to start dancing.  And it became a Greeting... an "I have finally stripped myself enough" to say Hello. 

Tonight I am going to dance and ritual up there.  Jon is going to look for fuel for his fire poi and have some time for that as well.

I'm home for a while...

I feel that my entire time here has been a cleansing of sorts.  A stripping away in order to lay bare truths about myself and my sense of my personal world.  I am pretty tender and humbled at this point, and from this place soaking in the stillness, and the underlying currents that seem to be coming to the surface for me. 

There is much more of course, but this is it for now. 

Blessings.
e

Full Moon in Libra... or confessions of a Libra girl!

Full Moon.  Libra is about relationships, partnerships, commonalities.  Its also about art, beauty, order, comfort and all things luxury.  Libras are known among other things to seek out peace, harmony, beautiful surroundings and all things art.  So rather then go into the forecast, or in depth meaning of the Full Moon in Libra, I thought I would give you a little confessional of what a Libra does when traveling out of a back pack into a developing country.

1.  You can take the girl out of organic natural body product obsessed California, but you can't take the products away from the girl.  I traveled to India with 4 bottles of Aveda Sap Moss shampoo and condition, plus a deep conditioner to use every other week to rehydrate my hair.  I also brought with me Aveda body soap, and an all natural bristle dry brush to keep the skin nice and supple!  These of course were used in my woven palm leaved walled open air bathroom!  Proves that a Libra girl can create luxury anywhere.  ;)

2.  Because I couldn't lug around a blow dryer, and my hair requires a certain amount of straightening or managing, I brought with me a curling iron, because even when its messy and dirty, it looks so much better curly then straight.  Jon almost choked in disbelief when he saw me pull it out!  I ended up sending it back home though, because I quickly realized that the less weight I carried on my back the better, so physical comfort won out over hair beauty.

3. Because we are going the back packer route through India, I was required to fit two months worth of life into a back pack.  I have never, ever, ever, had to do this in my entire life!  Its literally a. backpack.  When I packed it all up at home before leaving and put it on to see what the weight felt like, I started to feel a shortness of breath, and started feeling claustrophobic, and couldn't get it off fast enough!  It was total anxiety!  EVERYTHING I WAS TAKING FIT IN ONE MINI TINY WEENY BACK PACK!!!!  Let me just share for reference that when I have flown back east for a 4 day weekend, I bring at least 5 pairs of shoes!  5.

I can share that this has become easier for me, and I have actually lightened my load considerably in order to not buckle under the weight of the pack, as the lighter the load, the easier it is to run onto a train, catch a bus and generally carry it around.  But oi! Was this and is this ever a challenge for me!

4.  Before I go onto this next one, I want to thank all of you for you wonderful words of support and suggestions a few posts back when I said I was really getting homesick.  It helped me tremendously, and its a process I continue to work through.

I have noticed just how physically disconcerting chaos, noise and filth are to me.  I had no idea that this was such an issue for me, but the experience is visceral.  And I have started to wonder how deep our astrological make ups really run.  I am only really at ease or comfortable here, in moments of silence or in places where it is extremely slow, like Asvem, Pernem, the backwaters of Kerela.  Here in Delhi, as in Mumbai, Mysore and Bangalore, things are just assaultive to my system, and I wonder if this is beyond the typical culture shock that people experience.  I love beauty, cleanliness, beautiful sounds, litter free streets.  I don't like what this may be saying about me.  But the pee smells, the pollutions, the touts that cling to you the minute I leave my guest house, just wear me down.  I long for home, soft sounds, the ocean, space... SPACE.  I long for a yummy glass of chilled white wine while I spend a Sunday afternoon cooking.  I'm a luxe girl... what can I say?

I want to take a break from my confession list to share something further about this though.  (although this can also be part of the confessional I guess)

I have Seen things here.  Moments.  Magic.  Potent Beauty.  They are cushioned by larger moments of chaos where it feels like I'm in a perpetual spin cycle, but they are there.  The other day Jon and I went to the Jamma Masjid Mosque here in Delhi.  Its an important Mosque here in India, and its gorgeous.  It was almost a fort with its 4 red stoned outer walls protecting the interior space for the praying.  The carvings of the archways, the red stone, contrasted up against the blue sky, with hundreds of birds flying overhead was just breath taking.  We walked around before sunset, and took pictures, absorbing the energy there.  I had never been to a mosque before.  It was evident that we were in a different part of Delhi.  The looks we got were a bit more stern.  I felt at times as if I was the crass American invading their sacred space.  I was actually.  And the children!  The so love to have their pictures taken, and I was so honored with the opportunity to take pictures of the most beautiful little girls I have ever seen.  Their gaze held me in their quite potency.  I will try to post this photos here or on my flickr site soon.  I'm a bit backlogged on uploading at the moment.

Jon and I were sitting on the steps of the Mosque taking in the activity of families sitting around the courtyard waiting for the call to prayer.  So peaceful.  So serene.  And then as the sun began dipping down into the horizon, over a loudspeaker the voice of man began to sing a call to prayer.  It was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.  With his voice as a backdrop, the birds flying over head, the red stone against the blue sky, and the faces and families around us... I felt a beauty within me that can only be God.  I was moved.  Touched.  And felt right with my surrounding world. 

5.  What else can I say?  When I need to go to my warm happy place, its usually a cabana beach side getting a massage while being served some yummy cold drink.  Ooooo... or a luxe spa where I am taking my time dipping in one pool after another, then the mist room, then the milk bath... then...

6.  Oh and one more thing.  My journaling process, which is essential for me, requires a vast array of pens.  I have gone through 5 of my favorite pens already, including my white Gelly Roll pen, which has caused me much anguish!  And no where in this country, NO WHERE is there a possibility of finding a white gelly roll pen.  I don't know how I will survive 1 month of journalling without this pen.

7.  On a more serious note, being the Libra girl that I am, I have a great attachment to my tribe.  Even though I don't see my nearest and dearest on a daily basis, there is something tangible about proximity. And I am deeply feeling the effects of this distance.  Jon received a few emails for his birthday, and in them were updates and such.  And I felt such a pull home.  We are missing the events of the lives of our friends.  And its so important to me to be around for those.  Or at least be within some kind of reasonable distance to be able to pick up on a moments notice and see them.  15 minute drive, hour drive, 5 hour plane ride?  Doable.  24 hours of transit, 12 hour difference and sporadic phone and Internet service?  Not enough for me.  I love my people.  And more then anything that means home to me.  And I am grateful that being here, has revealed how deeply this runs for me.  I think that I have taken it for granted in the past.  And clearly its not.

I think that does it for me for now.  I have embarrassed myself sufficiently with my superficiality thank you very much! :)

More on my journey in the coming days.
Blessings and happy Full Moon!
e

Happy Birthday Love!

Its my Beloved's birthday today!  And here he is adjusting and readjusting his lenses for his camera, that I have grabbed from him to capture this photo. (I harbor deep camera envy!) Cutey isn't he?

Its odd being out here for his birthday.  For the last 3 years we have enjoyed gathering all of his friends for big dinner celebrations in his honor.  What he always wants more then anything on his birthday is being surrounded by those he loves most.  This year we are in Delhi, and its a very different landscape indeed.

Celebrating birthdays is an opportunity to lavish attention, gratitude and love love love on the person of honor.  I feel stunted a bit by the fact that I don't really have a gift to speak of for him this year or that there isn't some great foodie place to discover with all of our nearest and dearest.  So I am instead going to give you 34 wonders about him in honor of his 34 years.  This one is for you my love!

1.  He is loyal.  Completely so. 

2.  As a testament of this, he has a beautiful long lasting and intimate group of friends.  Many of which he has known since High School.  It is truly one of the things I love about him most.

3.  He is brutally honest.  Ask him and he will tell you.  Doesn't always deliver it with what I would call "Libra softness" but it something I rely on and trust.  Priceless.

4.  Complete and utter techno-geek!  Anything computer, or even automotive, which I'm not sure qualifies as techno, but he knows it, is in the process of researching it, or is playing with it at that moment.  I find this profoundly sexy!

5.  He has a heart for yoga.  Open, willing and longing. 

6.  He has for the last 10 years or so dreamed of, talked about, planned for and longed for leaving his California life behind and setting off into the world to travel and roam the world.  This last August he finally set off!  He made this monumental dream come true, one that not many get to have in their lifetimes, and I so very proud of him for doing this.  He has been traveling since August, and off of work since last March!  He has driven across the US, up into Montreal, spent time in Thailand, Laos, a few days in Cambodia, and now in India with me.  He's my Gypsy Soul Man...

7.  He is a boy with his dog.  And what can I say about this that I already haven't in a previous post?

8. He is a mean vegetable chopping machine!  He's a great kitchen assistant with skills I certainly didn't have coming into our relationship.  And he's taught me some tips on chopping, slicing and dicing, as well as the importance of a fine knife.

9.  Civil Engineer, which I love.  It gives him a very logical manner of thinking, which is a great balance to my circular, artistic, abstract existence.

10.  Off sets his Civil Engineer Self with Rock Climbing, Yoga, spiritual curiosity and a burgeoning passion for photography.

11.  Is a toucher.  One of the small things for me early on in our relationship... and still, is that while sleeping together, there would be a subtle toe, foot, or pinky touch that would bridge the gap between us.  It may have been too hot to cuddle, but somewhere in the middle of the night our pinkies would be intertwined. 

12.  Physically he is insanely confident.  By that I mean that any athletic activity that he hasn't tried before, he will set out to do, and then do it well.  I think its a product of his Aries nature.

13.  His skin smells delicious.

14.  And he wears a suit extremely well!

15.  He's a walking library or random and varied factoids.

16.  He owns his authority as an adult man in the world with softness and strength.  I caught this early on in him, in our first date in fact, and it was huge for me.  There was a comfort there, that spoke volumes to me about his security.

17.  He's easy going with others.  In places where I tend to get a bit impatient, edgy, or snippy, particular here in India where sometimes we get lied to in order to have to pay more, or buy something we don't need, he smiles and handles it with compassion and detached patience.  I on the other hand have to actively breathe through it in order to not become shall we say... bitchy?  Can I say that here?

18.  He's human.  In big ways and in all ways.  Learning Love as an adult woman while facing the realities of our individual humanity, particularly the humanity of the Beloved is a huge ride.  And each day that I have with him, and get to See him more and more, is a lesson in compassion, Unconditional Love, and Truth.  His challenges mirror to me exactly what I need to see in order to learn Love more and more. 

19.  Yummy kisser.

20.  Fire Dancer.

21.  Money conscious and money manifesting.  One of the biggest teachers for me in this relationship has been watching Jon with money.  I have written several blog posts about my relationship with money in the past, and it is certainly an unconscious and conflicted one.  But where we all (or many of us) spend time talking about budgets, and being broke, and not having enough, and trying to manifest, or apply the principles of The Secret.  His language and conceptualization is just completely different. He automatically operates from a place of abundance and not scarcity.  I often imagine myself walking behind him with a paper pad and pencil taking notes.  He is conscious about what he purchases and the choices around that, he sets an amount of money he needs to make for a given period and it just happens.  He's responsible and manifesting, and thats all I can really say about that, because even though he is conscious with his money, he is unconscious of exactly what is different in his belief system about money to be able to share it with me or others.  So I continue to take notes!

22.  He loves music and dancing, and has taken salsa classes with me.  I love this, because... see next one...

23.  I can drag him to anything, and he's game!  Wiccan Goddess Festival?  He's in.  Hindu worship ceremony called a Kali Puja?  There.  Documentary/dance love-in somewhere in LA?  All over it.  And I love this so much, because I have never dated a guy or known a guy for that matter, that didn't pull that whole resistant macho thing about trying anything remotely new or different or hippie/bohemian fringe, which is really what I'm all about.

24.  Vegetarian.  Sort of.  He's a bit of a cheater when it comes to fish, and we are vegetarians for different reasons, but its great having a partner in food land when sitting at a family function.  And I can cook him anything I eat and he's all over that too!

25.  His toes...  and his hands.  This is probably more about me then him, but I love a man with great hands and feet.  I have no idea what the heck this is about, but he has the most perfect digits EVER!

26.  He has a bit of a sick sense of humor.  Sometimes good, sometimes not!  :)

27.  Believes its important to attend family functions like holidays, birthdays, weddings, funerals etc.  For blood family and tribe.  Its a commitment that comes naturally to him, and it goes with his long lasting friendships. 

28.  Gives a great massage... (hint hint!)

29.  Wonderfully social and great to be at a party with.

30.  Great gift giver.

31.  Loves me!

32.  Is amazing with children.  Plays, connects, invents and teaches in ways that warm my heart and children relate to so well.

33.  Loves the Ocean like me.  And sails... wishes to sail around the world.

34.  Has taken me deeper into the heart of Love then any other person ever has.  And thats not a testament to who he thinks he is, but a testament to who he is at a soul level. 

Bonus:  He's cool, chill, a bit arrogant and smart.  Brainy even.  Moves with grace, strong, flexible, and just hot as can be.  His laugh sends me... it Sends me. And falling asleep with him next to me is pure heaven.  Unless he's snoring!  ;)

I love you baby!  Happy Birthday!

e