LunarMusings

Wellness Wednesday: Words To Evoke Wellness

Community

Tea

Cool mountain breezes

Lentil soup

The color mauve

YES

Rumi

Running into a friend at the grocery store

Festive squirrels

Poetry

Starting at the beginning... again

Forgiveness

Lists

Empty journals just waiting for the story, the image, the truth

Art

Quiet time alone

Be well this week!

Autumn Equinox 2009: Here At Last!

The picture above?  Its how I feel right now.  Autumn has been teasing me here in Idyllwild for the last week or so.  Cool crisp breezes tickling my face, creating the need for a scarf, the occasional long sleeve and socks!  What can I say right now?  I feel rusty to say the least.  This Summer and a huge part of Spring too, just kicked. my. ass.

It was as if the Universe gave me a month in Maui as a huge break that was sandwiched between some intensive purging, introspection, depression and really...Transmutation.  Coming here to this little corner of my world became a long lost habit for the most part, as I was so deep within it all, I lacked the words to really articulate the process I was in.  And am still in. 

There has been so much that has come up for review for me.  Questions, uncomfortable dynamics to take responsibility for, deep shiftings in my relationship, uncertainties about my path and my work in the world, deep deep battles with the habit of scarcity in my life, and who knows what else. 

"My time now in this upcoming cycle is about Transmutation.  T r a n s m u t a t i o n.  This is different the transformation, although that is what will be taking place as well.  I am still holding this word close to my heart, still letting it unfold within me.  I am aware that this is about a cellular, vibrational, physical, elemental, spiritual shift into another being altogether. "

So much of the last 10 months really, has been about letting go of an old way of life, and creating something new... an adventure.  But its also been about evaluating who it is I am and want to become.  Sometimes the things that come up can really knock the breath out of you, and I find that I am still stuck in places that I had assumed I had worked through so so long ago.

The other day I was sitting on the floor of my friend, Trine's living room while thunder cracked all around us, and I remember hitting on something for the first time, yet again.  I'm still tied up, stifled and holding back.  And its certainly been a process for me to unravel the ways of being that I have adopted in order to not rock the boat, or not be messy, or not seem to overwhelming for others, or myself.  But now... here and now, I'm finally in the process of unleashing, not unravelling.  And certainly this year has been about that.  Its absolutely what locking my hair has been about.  A way to anchor into this new, potent and tender place of authenticity and uncovering. 

I feel wild, primal, BIG inside.  And the sacrifices this is demanding have been daunting, but always worth it.  And this is what has carried me through the last two seasons of deep hidden maneuverings that were marked with a searing intensity.  And now?  The rest.  The breeze around me seems to whisper of the ability to grow bigger around the heart of the matter, making it easier to See, making me braver to Be, and allowing for a tentative step into the wildness of my soft woman self.

I wish you all a perfectly soft, magical and transformational Fall Season.

Jenny

The picture above was take about 12 years ago at Jon's sister, Jenny's wedding.  I love this picture of the two of them, although I must admit, that I can hardly recognized my guy here... Such a baby face. 

I have been away for quite a while now, as there is much up for me and have quite a bit to catch up on in my writing.  But for now I wanted to peek in and let everyone know how we were, as there have been sporadic twitterings and facebook updates that have left a few a bit confused to what has been going on.

Last week, on September 2nd, Jon got a call from his mother in Maui, letting him know that his sister, Jenny, who lives in Colorado, died suddenly while driving the kids to school.  She must have started to feel ill or as if her heart was giving out and tried to pull over.  Somewhere in the process of this, she died and the car collided onto the side walk and into a fence of some sort, although, still these details are a bit fuzzy.  The kids, Annabelle, age 10 and Alexander, age 7, were not physically harmed in the accident.

What we thought was a heart attack may have been something else involving her heart and at this time those details are unclear.  What is clear is that a daughter, sister, cousin, wife and mother, age 43 died suddenly in what has been a profound shock for all of us.  This week has been about Grandma going to see the kids and being with them as the rest of the family began to make their way from other states to Colorado to be together and create a memorial service.

There are so many thoughts and emotions that have come up during all of this.  It has been moving for me to be a support for Jon while he goes through all the waves of realization and mourning that comes with something like this, and it has been an honor to be with him and his family as they move through this time.  The children have asked to go back to school, and having a routine restored seems to be best for them at this time.  Thankfully, they have a wonderful community and support system around them, which will be a tremendous help in the weeks and months to come as their father transitions into being a single parent.

There is a brief obituary with the funeral home as well as information on the memorial fund for the kids. 

Jon and I will be here with family through the end of the week, and then make our way back to California in Poly the Vanagon as slow as we can so we can nourish ourselves with the beautiful scenery and some picture taking.   Please keep the Brown and Shindelbower families near your hearts.  The children will need as much support as they can get at this time. 

I will post more soon.

Wellness Wednesday: Things That Sustain

Sisterhood

Cracking Thunder

Hard cleansing rain

Art

Truth

Tearful embraces

Lentil Soup to soothe grieving souls

Silence

Nightfall

Touch

Connection

Stories