I've been so busy for the last month preparing to come to Hawaii, that I hadn't really absorbed what was going on. Its true, I've been ridiculously excited about coming and about being able to spend the entire Summer here, but the reality of the situation had yet to sink in.
Yesterday, as I sat at the dining room table surrounded by glorious beads and sacred stones I had a moment. I stopped, and as I looked around, it was as if all these layers of my current reality coalesced and downloaded into my consciousness. Several years ago, I had tentatively signed on to a dream of working for myself in such a way that I could be mobile and work from anywhere in the world. Sitting there in that quiet moment of stillness, I realized I am doing just that.
It was a realization of an arrival. I have to admit that I'm still in shock by it all. I sat there thinking, "Wait... I think this is it. This is it, right?" And in fact it is. Nothing is ever exactly as you imagine it will be in some distant future. And often times I know for me, its so in the moment different, that you risk missing the arrival when it actually happens.
But sitting there, open and genuinely available to the sensation of the truth, I received and continue to receive the wonder that comes when a dream you dared to have, actually reveals itself to be not only true, but right then in the present with you in it. Right there in the middle of this suite, with beads strewn all over a dining room table, while I 'worked' and created adornments, in Maui... for the Summer(!) I was/am living the dream I had mildly considered years ago.
Who knew? And where its true that I've been doing this for the last year and a half, it hadn't at all seemed like a dream when I was struggling for cash and things seemed murky at best, and I didn't have a clue as to how to create a plan for myself. Today, I have a plan, the path is revealing itself with each step I take, and although I'm certainly not making the money I once did, the income is still coming. And did I mention, I'm living in Maui for 3 months, because I simply wanted to?
I don't say that last statement lightly, nor do I say it to brag. I say it over and over again, because 1) I still don't fully believe it, but also because 2) Its possible! There are many soul sisters and brothers out there who share this desire, and in some way I need to convey to you, that it is possible. Doors open, abundance appears, and not always in the form we expect. Dreams manifest. Even when, like me, the dream isn't fully owned until its sitting right in your lap.
Back in the early conception of this seedling dream, I didn't fully believe or want it. Didn't have a clue as to how it could happen, or if I really wanted to live a true Gypsy life. The little secret I hold is that I STILL don't know! But I have to say, that I'm loving it, and I'm deeply grateful for it. I'm floored by it, actually.
So, when people say, "Oh my god! A three month vacation?!" I say, "No, just living and working and doing my thing, where I choose to." For the next 3 months, it just happens to be in a tropical paradise. Last year it was in a small mountain artist town.
I wonder if I will ever not cry when I think about it.
