LunarMusings

Full Moon in Libra... or confessions of a Libra girl!

Full Moon.  Libra is about relationships, partnerships, commonalities.  Its also about art, beauty, order, comfort and all things luxury.  Libras are known among other things to seek out peace, harmony, beautiful surroundings and all things art.  So rather then go into the forecast, or in depth meaning of the Full Moon in Libra, I thought I would give you a little confessional of what a Libra does when traveling out of a back pack into a developing country.

1.  You can take the girl out of organic natural body product obsessed California, but you can't take the products away from the girl.  I traveled to India with 4 bottles of Aveda Sap Moss shampoo and condition, plus a deep conditioner to use every other week to rehydrate my hair.  I also brought with me Aveda body soap, and an all natural bristle dry brush to keep the skin nice and supple!  These of course were used in my woven palm leaved walled open air bathroom!  Proves that a Libra girl can create luxury anywhere.  ;)

2.  Because I couldn't lug around a blow dryer, and my hair requires a certain amount of straightening or managing, I brought with me a curling iron, because even when its messy and dirty, it looks so much better curly then straight.  Jon almost choked in disbelief when he saw me pull it out!  I ended up sending it back home though, because I quickly realized that the less weight I carried on my back the better, so physical comfort won out over hair beauty.

3. Because we are going the back packer route through India, I was required to fit two months worth of life into a back pack.  I have never, ever, ever, had to do this in my entire life!  Its literally a. backpack.  When I packed it all up at home before leaving and put it on to see what the weight felt like, I started to feel a shortness of breath, and started feeling claustrophobic, and couldn't get it off fast enough!  It was total anxiety!  EVERYTHING I WAS TAKING FIT IN ONE MINI TINY WEENY BACK PACK!!!!  Let me just share for reference that when I have flown back east for a 4 day weekend, I bring at least 5 pairs of shoes!  5.

I can share that this has become easier for me, and I have actually lightened my load considerably in order to not buckle under the weight of the pack, as the lighter the load, the easier it is to run onto a train, catch a bus and generally carry it around.  But oi! Was this and is this ever a challenge for me!

4.  Before I go onto this next one, I want to thank all of you for you wonderful words of support and suggestions a few posts back when I said I was really getting homesick.  It helped me tremendously, and its a process I continue to work through.

I have noticed just how physically disconcerting chaos, noise and filth are to me.  I had no idea that this was such an issue for me, but the experience is visceral.  And I have started to wonder how deep our astrological make ups really run.  I am only really at ease or comfortable here, in moments of silence or in places where it is extremely slow, like Asvem, Pernem, the backwaters of Kerela.  Here in Delhi, as in Mumbai, Mysore and Bangalore, things are just assaultive to my system, and I wonder if this is beyond the typical culture shock that people experience.  I love beauty, cleanliness, beautiful sounds, litter free streets.  I don't like what this may be saying about me.  But the pee smells, the pollutions, the touts that cling to you the minute I leave my guest house, just wear me down.  I long for home, soft sounds, the ocean, space... SPACE.  I long for a yummy glass of chilled white wine while I spend a Sunday afternoon cooking.  I'm a luxe girl... what can I say?

I want to take a break from my confession list to share something further about this though.  (although this can also be part of the confessional I guess)

I have Seen things here.  Moments.  Magic.  Potent Beauty.  They are cushioned by larger moments of chaos where it feels like I'm in a perpetual spin cycle, but they are there.  The other day Jon and I went to the Jamma Masjid Mosque here in Delhi.  Its an important Mosque here in India, and its gorgeous.  It was almost a fort with its 4 red stoned outer walls protecting the interior space for the praying.  The carvings of the archways, the red stone, contrasted up against the blue sky, with hundreds of birds flying overhead was just breath taking.  We walked around before sunset, and took pictures, absorbing the energy there.  I had never been to a mosque before.  It was evident that we were in a different part of Delhi.  The looks we got were a bit more stern.  I felt at times as if I was the crass American invading their sacred space.  I was actually.  And the children!  The so love to have their pictures taken, and I was so honored with the opportunity to take pictures of the most beautiful little girls I have ever seen.  Their gaze held me in their quite potency.  I will try to post this photos here or on my flickr site soon.  I'm a bit backlogged on uploading at the moment.

Jon and I were sitting on the steps of the Mosque taking in the activity of families sitting around the courtyard waiting for the call to prayer.  So peaceful.  So serene.  And then as the sun began dipping down into the horizon, over a loudspeaker the voice of man began to sing a call to prayer.  It was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.  With his voice as a backdrop, the birds flying over head, the red stone against the blue sky, and the faces and families around us... I felt a beauty within me that can only be God.  I was moved.  Touched.  And felt right with my surrounding world. 

5.  What else can I say?  When I need to go to my warm happy place, its usually a cabana beach side getting a massage while being served some yummy cold drink.  Ooooo... or a luxe spa where I am taking my time dipping in one pool after another, then the mist room, then the milk bath... then...

6.  Oh and one more thing.  My journaling process, which is essential for me, requires a vast array of pens.  I have gone through 5 of my favorite pens already, including my white Gelly Roll pen, which has caused me much anguish!  And no where in this country, NO WHERE is there a possibility of finding a white gelly roll pen.  I don't know how I will survive 1 month of journalling without this pen.

7.  On a more serious note, being the Libra girl that I am, I have a great attachment to my tribe.  Even though I don't see my nearest and dearest on a daily basis, there is something tangible about proximity. And I am deeply feeling the effects of this distance.  Jon received a few emails for his birthday, and in them were updates and such.  And I felt such a pull home.  We are missing the events of the lives of our friends.  And its so important to me to be around for those.  Or at least be within some kind of reasonable distance to be able to pick up on a moments notice and see them.  15 minute drive, hour drive, 5 hour plane ride?  Doable.  24 hours of transit, 12 hour difference and sporadic phone and Internet service?  Not enough for me.  I love my people.  And more then anything that means home to me.  And I am grateful that being here, has revealed how deeply this runs for me.  I think that I have taken it for granted in the past.  And clearly its not.

I think that does it for me for now.  I have embarrassed myself sufficiently with my superficiality thank you very much! :)

More on my journey in the coming days.
Blessings and happy Full Moon!
e

Full Moon in Virgo 2007 and Holika...

This picture was taken by Jon at a Holika bonfire on the night of the full moon.  Our hosts here in Mumbai took us to a temple to see it.

There is so much to say already, that its hard to stay on track with just this one topic!  Beginning my trip with a Full Moon and a festival for Spring is so auspicious for me.  When I finally got online to see what sign the Moon was in, I found it in Virgo and realized that my body and soul knew all along exactly where the Moon was. 

Virgo is about health and healing.  And from the minute I arrived here in India I have felt a profound shift occuring in my body.  Its as if the all the elements here are working together to restore a deep balanced wholeness to my internal world and physical body.  Every meal here has been so rediculously amazing and each time I eat I feel as if everything is righting itself within.  I am inhabiting all of the nooks and crannies within myself as opposed to only living in the parts that feel good today. 

The heat is constant and oppressive, and I find that I am getting used to it.  I sweat profusely everyday, and feel as if I am in a deep cleanse.  The impurities of the pollution and dirt outside don't effect me, because my body is in a constant state of purging from deep within.  My skin is feeling wonderful in some place and letting go of allergies in others.  My poor feet are really badly blistered and they hurt, but it has made me very aware to  the pulsation of this land beneath me.  I am taking it in...

I have many more post in que, and everyday there is more and more.  The temples I have seen so far are simply breathtaking.  They are organic and filled with a beauty that comes from a natural awareness of all that is sacred. 

Jon and I are leaving Mumbai tonight for Goa where we will be for about 5 days.  I hope to post more on Holi later today before we leave. 

Please be patient with me!  I am all over the place with my words.  I am filled with so much already, and so excited to share, I can't quite figure out how to seperate it all.

Much love,
e

Full Moon in Capricorn 2007

New Beginnings
Originally uploaded by lunarmusings.

First Full Moon of the year! Its a nice way to start I think. Full moons are the culmination of the the cycle, a time to celebrate those things that we started to manifest for ourselves in the New Moon, and as we enter into a new year it feels good that we have an opportunity to celebrate in gratitude for what we have with us to take on our journey forward.

Capricorn moons are earthy, slow moving, goal oriented, methodical, consistent and ambitious. Being so immersed in our goal setting for this coming year, its an interesting shift to find a way to be in gratitude for this act of goal setting and intending.

More then anything today, I am in awe over the manifestation process that I am always in. We are constantly manifesting. With our thoughts, our beliefs, our choices, our actions. Whether it be conscious or not, we are constantly creating our lives, and our world. There is a profound empowerment that comes with realizing that we can wake up to this truth and make responsive choices about what reality we are creating as opposed to being victim to the happenings outside of us.

I am grateful for my Will. For being conscious about the power of my choices. I am grateful for the magic in this universe that produces into my intentions. And I am grateful for this tendency I have for writing down all the things I want, whether I know how to get them or manifest them or not.

She is full in the sky, and its such a beautiful reminder that there is only abundance in the world... all thinking to the contrary is illusion, and we have the ability to create the lives we dream of!

Full Moon in Aries 2006

Luna is working me well this month.  I am in the thick of it.  Feeling acutely aware of the gaps in my identity, which is what Aries is all about, and continuing to slow down and pay attention to my needs and my body's communications to me, and taking detailed notes on what exactly stocks my power and how I leak it out carelessly.

I am sitting on this fence right now.  I am turning 35 next week and I am having a horrible time with it.  In these last few years I have been very surprised at how difficult these birthdays have become. I never would have guessed it of me.  And I know I have written of this here before, its not about vanity and changing appearances, its about the finite amount of time I have to live.  Its about the fact that 35 years have already gone by in my life, and I am not feeling that I have really done as much and savored it all as much as I could have. 

A client of mine... older, a bit socially lame, and very old country Croatian with a great accent, came in to see me yesterday.  Every time he comes in, every single Friday, he asks me if I am engaged yet.  No?  Well then surely I must be pregnant?  No.  He has on several occasions, in what to him is just a show of concern, mentioned to me that I am getting way to old and am wasting my time.  "You should have 3 babies by now!"  Um... no. 

I politely tell him that Jon and I are doing just fine the way we are, thank you, and I am not ready to start a family yet.  "Oh my gad!  Oh my gad!  You cannot wait!  No, no...Oh my gad!"  For the most part he makes me laugh.  He reacts to me as if I had just sprouted a second and third head, and it has humored me in the past. 

You should have heard the cow he had when I told him I was a vegetarian!  He was initially convinced that Jon would leave me, because what man would tolerate a woman not cooking meat for him?  So when I told him that Jon was a vegetarian as well, there was a good few minutes of stunned silence.  I could hear his thoughts... "what kind of man doesn't eat meat???"  When he asks about Jon now he says, "so how is you boyfren? Is he still a wegetable?"

But, this Friday, he took it to a whole new level.  He mentioned that he had watch Dr. Phil and was reminded of me.  Now, this is never never never a good thing.  Never.  He proceeds to tell me about a couple, a womanage 41 and guy about 50 something, I don't remember exactly, and they have been together for 12 years and she is waiting for him to marry her and he hasn't.  Dr. Phil basically tells her she is dumb and that this man will never marry her and she should get out now while she still can.  Keep in mind that this is coming from my client, so who knows what the other details were, but my client then says, "Now, this poor woman is old! Old! And she wants to have the babies, and has to start allllllll over again and she will be old! 45! And having the babies then! Thats like you!  Think about THAT!  You will be having babies at 45!"  He always says these things to me with a hint of exhasperation in his voice, like I am some foolish wasteful girl throwing her life away.

Now, let me be clear that I love my job and I love my clients, but once in a while I hear some crazy, negative, scary, racist, sexist stuff.  And generally, when faced with such things, I use the opportunity to educate, facilitate some reframing and remind people of our place in the world together.  But yesterday... Oh my Goddess.  I had a moment where it was all I could do to not just stop massaging him and turn around and just walk out of the room, out of the office into my car and just drive away as far as possible.  Then the urge came to call him quite a few obscene names, and remind him that hello?  Its 2006 and women have many more options available to them then marriage, children and growing old and decrepit at the ripe old age of 45!!!!!! And dammit I am happy! Can't you tell that I am happy!!!??! Ass. 

I stood there for a while stunned and motionless and then just started to laugh.  I laughed because I was feeling like having a bit of a break down, and I had a very Ally McBeal moment where I envisioned rolling him off the table and dumping him right on the floor. I didn't know what to do with the fact that I was taking this all so personally.  He asked me what was so funny, and I took the opportunity to tell him that his coming into my office and asking me these personal questions repeatedly is inappropriate and bordering on weird.  He got a bit huffy and said he wouldn't talk about it again. 

Ok so heres the deal.  I do want to get married, and I want to have a million babies... or 3.  And I am where I am in my life, because its the path I have chosen. Maybe it will happen for me, and maybe it won't.  I am finding that with each new year I react stronger and stronger to the idea that I may not have as much control as I would like.  And so, each year that passes begins to freak me out more and more. Because its not just the marriage and the baby thing, its all of it... What if I die and I never really save the world?  What if I die and I didn't see the entire planet, and learn to speak several other languages, and what if I die and never write a book that gets published, never end up the keeper of a hearth that welcomes all in, never live forever?   What if my life never gets much bigger then this?

I am mortified to find myself in this place.  Because I know that choice is powerful, and that if I want all those things I can certainly create them.  But time seems to work on its own schedule doesn't it?  And I don't feel very coordinated with Her.

I am trying to reframe all this.  I would like to enter my 35th year with a different frame of mind.  And so with this full moon, I am facing Her and holding the vision of the things I do like and embrace with this age I am at.  I have to turn this around, because really?  Not pretty over here.  At all.

One of the things that has happened for me over the years is the ability to discern who to allow in my life and who not to.  As a younger woman I let relationships that were toxic and not at all uplifting linger way longer then healthful.  I am aware now, that I don't have to be friends with everyone, and it doesn't make me a "not nice girl".  And I am also liberated from the fact that not choosing to be friends with someone may make me "not a nice girl" in their eyes, and thats ok.  There is so much liberation in this I can't even begin to describe it.  This wisdom has come to me in my 30s, and I am so grateful for it.

I am braver in intimacy then I was in my 20s.  Sharing my heart is something I dive into now, not something I flee from and it has given my life a depth and a thrill and a joy that I hadn't allowed myself to imagine in my 20s.  And I know now that I have only begun to touch the tip of the iceberg on this one.  That thrills me and scares me in a very good way.

I'm not looking for Daddy anymore.  More liberation, and more choice and more authorship in my relationships.  Freedom.

Because of the length of time I have been around, I can See.  See dynamics, patterns, and energy.  It may not happen as fast as I would like, but I can See life through a bigger lens, bigger frame and it makes traversing my path richer. 

My awareness of the Other World, of the One World, of the Mother, and the cosmic soup that we are all part of, is sinking into my cellular knowing, or perhaps my DNA is reawakening my cells and my body knowing.  It isn't something that I "know" in my mind, or memory from things I have heard or read.  My magic is more subtle, more internal, and all body.

And I know that there is always more.  More.  I am learning that its ok, and good to want more for myself and more of myself.  There is always more.  Its a lesson shared with me by one of my potent Mother/Sister/Friends and I am grateful for her and the many other amazing women friends in my life. And you too! (I know that you're not a girl!)

I ask Luna to help me step through the time veil between this year and my next in such a way that strips me clean of the fears, the what ifs, and the should haves.  I want to embrace my life with grace, empowerment, and joy.  And I certainly don't want to take the crazy things a client says to heart anymore.  I can have a baby whenever I want! ;)

I would love it if you all breathed with me as I do this.  I feel I could use the support.

Full Moon in Pisces 2006

Its been such an interesting lunar journey this month for me. I find that if I let go, She just guides me energetically along a path that makes perfect sense. I am forever trying to figure out all the possibilities, and exhausting myself in the process.

During the new moon entry I expressed challenge with the polarity between the Virgo focus on the physical and the Pisces focus on the emotional. Earth and Water...

I was at home when this lunation cycle began and so getting organized and beginning to establish patterns of self care was relatively doable for me. And then I proceeded to pack up my stuff and leave town! Living out of a suitcase, not working, not following my usual routine, but rather in a constant state of discovery, activity and spontaneity.

What I see now, sitting here in this lovely 200 year old farm house owned by the wonderful Matt and Em, doing nothing but lounging for the last day and a half, is that what began as a physical nourishment and recalibration, has expanded to include emotional and spiritual recalibration and nourishment as well.

My intention has been to focus on healing and riding the Virgo and Piscean energy to do so. And I have had the opportunity to see an acupuncturist, cook great food, exercise, then travel to gorgeous wilderness, stop working for two weeks, white water raft, sit in a screened in porch that sat right over a huge creek for an entire day and read or write to my hearts content, lounged on a boat all afternoon, make sweet love outside and still have another few days of boating on the Chesapeake to look forward to.

Lots of water... ;)

My body and oh so anxious soul has had a much needed chance to stop, settle, grow still and breathe deeply in. My emotional rhythm has started to rock at a lovely slow and steady pace, a radar now, more then a reactionary feather tossed on the winds. I am very aware of the sensations in my body, and at how even though there are moments where the deep relaxation feels foreign, I sink in eventually. This has also lead to a huge opening of gratitude in me.

I have grown very aware of just how wonderful my life is. And I take credit. Complete credit for the life I have and am living at this moment. I have made choices, some easy, some incredibly difficult, and they have been increasingly conscious as time goes by and its because of those choices that I am right where I am right now. I keep learning that health (physical and spiritual/emotional) are the results of choices. What/who will I allow in my life and what/who will I let go? How will I look at the events around me and what meaning will I choose to place on those events? Will I act out of guilt or out of conscious responsibility? What kind of woman do I choose to be? And what will I allow myself to believe is possible?

I am so full right now. Full Moon. Full. So so full.

And during this juicy expansive full Moon in Pisces I send you all deep views into the heart of who you are and who you are going to be.
May we all continue blossoming into the fullness of ourSelves.
Full Moon Blessings to you!

Full Moon in Aquarius 2006

This is an Odissi Dancer that performed at the Kali Puja.  I have yet to edit all of the photos, but will upload some as I get to them.  My post on the Kali Puja is on its way as well!

Full Moon. 

I sit here typing as the moon shines down on me through my living room window.  I often create or write like this, and its one of the things I love most about my home.  She gets to peer in on me quite a bit, and it makes for a magical feel.

As I was preparing to write this lunar update, I was taken by the mystery of paradox.  Where we began our lunar cycle in Leo focused on the self, we culminate with the full moon in Aquarius with concerns for the collective and the common good. 

My own journey has been interesting.  My home has been a major focus in the last month.  And I have not only ridden the lunar waves, but also put into practice the Law of Attraction as revealed by the film The Secret.

I have shared for a while now that I haven't been Home base for the last few years, and that issues with money, with my relationship and with my time have affected the way I inhabit my home space.  It hasn't been fully reflective of me. And the more I learn about myself, the more I realize that my equilibrium is very effected by my ability to nest and be an active creator of the haven I rest in, host in, and retreat to.

In the last month I have gotten rid of half my furnishings and replaced them with new ones.  A desk purchased by me, and a couch, coffee and end tables and two stools gifted to me by my mother!  The gift came after I began doing a meditation for abundance, after seeing the film!  My mother called me out of the blue and said she saw furniture she thought I would love, and wanted to buy it for me!  Woohoo!  Thanks Mom!!!

Because I have been home more, I have begun to get back in touch with my daily rhythms, and feel more grounded.  The center of activity is here at home, and the landscape of my life has changed.  Its interesting to me that as Jon is leaving, which by the way will happen on Thursday, my home has opened literally and figuratively to allow for more people to come and Be.  More seats, more open spaces, more surfaces to eat on.  Community is welcomed here!  It wasn't possible before.

I see the parallel between the Lunar trajectory and my own. I never quite know how it will play out.  There are shifts taking place...  I feel good about it today.  I feel held through it, and I am grateful for the knowledge that I create my world.  We must all remember that we create our world...

Blessed Be.

Full Moon in Libra

(I wrote this yesterday, but hadn't finished it in time to post until today!)

Luna is in her full glory today.  We have had some beautiful moon lit nights these last few days, and I so wish that I had the capability to photograph the moon over the Vincent Thomas Bridge as I drive over it on my way home in the evenings.  Its a spectacular view.  I always feel like She is leading me home to the other side of the harbor.  And tonight She is huge and low and framed by whispy clouds that make Her look more like an October moon then an April one.

I have been sitting with my intention to uncover limiting stories or belief systems.  What I have discovered is that its really more about mental habits.  The habit of thinking smaller then possible.  Not allowing myself to dream larger then life, because there are these bumpers I hit up against that keep me in a designated area of what I think my life is like.

So along with this inner inquiry, I have been reading Eat. Pray. Love. by Elizabeth Gilbert.  Its a wonderful book and I have so many passages underlined that I want to share with you all! Passages that have lent me a bit of wisdom while doing this months exploration.

"What if you could somehow create an expansive enough life that you could synchronize seemingly incongruous opposites into a worldview that excludes nothing?"

And on prayer:

"Where did you get the idea you aren't allowed to petition the universe with prayer?  You are part of this universe, Liz.  You're a constituent - you have every entitlement to participate in the actions of the the universe, and to let your feelings be known."

This was such a reminder for me.  I have always believed that setting clear intentions and naming them aloud, whether to yourself, other people and/or to the Universe/Goddess (which really is all one and the same) manifests that reality.  But I have noticed that in the last year or so, I have become very ambiguous with my intention setting, ambiguous about what it is that I want.  Rather then state or acknowledge within myself the specific details of what I want, I have gotten into the habit of thinking in generalizations, like "I want to do something creative" or "I want to open up to abundance."  This leaves a whole lot of room for interpretation, and not alot of possibility, or RESPONSIBILITY for the life I want to create. 

Not only have I not been believing a bigger life for myself, but I haven't been identifying and setting out to create the specifics of what I want that life to be.  This has affected my career, my art, my writing, my friendships and my love.  Oh!  And my pocket book as well!

I'm not sure where this complacency has come from for me.  And I am grateful for the opportunity to look at it now.  Its like a Spring Tune Up!  This Full Moon has brought it to light for me.  And what I am now looking towards is not only beginning to set time aside to explore my desires in detail, but also to let go of the fear and the habit that keeps me from reaching for more. 

From now until the next New Moon, this is my focus.  To really look at and let go of those behaviours and thoughts that keep this situation going for me. 

I will say that I am back at yoga after a very long break.  My body is feeling so much better then it has in a long time, and I was able to go back finally.  Being there, and surrendering to the breath and the moment, gave me another space in which to let go of my limiting stories and be in the grandness of the moment where everything isn't just possible, but it just Is.  Such a blessing to be back!

Happy Full Moon everyone!

Blessed Be.