LunarMusings

Wellnes Wednesday: Something I've Been Thinking About

"...No one can advise or help you–no one. There is only one thing you should do. Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: MUST I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet the solemn question with a strong, simple ‘I MUST,’ then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your whole life, even into its humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse. Then come close to nature. Then, as if no one had ever tried before, try to say what you see and feel and love and lose."

~Rainer Maria Rilke, February 17th, 1903

The denying of my deepest truths and desires have lead to most of my dis-ease physically.  I suppose the same could be stated about my mental restlessness and discontent. 

Hmmm... That's all this Wellness Wednesday.  Just clear quiet awareness.

I Bow To Her In Awe

I truly believe and feel in the depth of my bones that Maya is the embodiment of the Goddess Mother.  Wise, potent, nurturing, juicy and commanding.  She gives us the words that call our souls forth as humans, as Women...  This crossed my Facebook page this morning, it gave me chills.  I hope it does for you as well.

Jenny

The picture above was take about 12 years ago at Jon's sister, Jenny's wedding.  I love this picture of the two of them, although I must admit, that I can hardly recognized my guy here... Such a baby face. 

I have been away for quite a while now, as there is much up for me and have quite a bit to catch up on in my writing.  But for now I wanted to peek in and let everyone know how we were, as there have been sporadic twitterings and facebook updates that have left a few a bit confused to what has been going on.

Last week, on September 2nd, Jon got a call from his mother in Maui, letting him know that his sister, Jenny, who lives in Colorado, died suddenly while driving the kids to school.  She must have started to feel ill or as if her heart was giving out and tried to pull over.  Somewhere in the process of this, she died and the car collided onto the side walk and into a fence of some sort, although, still these details are a bit fuzzy.  The kids, Annabelle, age 10 and Alexander, age 7, were not physically harmed in the accident.

What we thought was a heart attack may have been something else involving her heart and at this time those details are unclear.  What is clear is that a daughter, sister, cousin, wife and mother, age 43 died suddenly in what has been a profound shock for all of us.  This week has been about Grandma going to see the kids and being with them as the rest of the family began to make their way from other states to Colorado to be together and create a memorial service.

There are so many thoughts and emotions that have come up during all of this.  It has been moving for me to be a support for Jon while he goes through all the waves of realization and mourning that comes with something like this, and it has been an honor to be with him and his family as they move through this time.  The children have asked to go back to school, and having a routine restored seems to be best for them at this time.  Thankfully, they have a wonderful community and support system around them, which will be a tremendous help in the weeks and months to come as their father transitions into being a single parent.

There is a brief obituary with the funeral home as well as information on the memorial fund for the kids. 

Jon and I will be here with family through the end of the week, and then make our way back to California in Poly the Vanagon as slow as we can so we can nourish ourselves with the beautiful scenery and some picture taking.   Please keep the Brown and Shindelbower families near your hearts.  The children will need as much support as they can get at this time. 

I will post more soon.

A Blue So Enchanting...

... all I want to do is drink in the color. 

I know its not the greatest of pictures, but I really just needed to capture the color. I needed to.  Yes... I can't explain what this color is doing to me.  Its as if it is color vibration therapy for my soul and body.  We wake up looking at it, fall asleep seeing darker glimmers of it, spend our days swimming and beach combing in it...

I don't remember now if I had mentioned it before, but while in Idyllwild these last couple of months as Spring was taking on full force, I became starkly aware of the monochromatic nature of our little mountain haven with its variations of browns and greens.  And although Idyllwild is gorgeous, this Artist Soul had begun to crave a broader palette of colors.

Maui is an explosion of color and sweet flower scents.  But its this blue that captivates me.  Part of it too, is that I have desperately missed the ocean these last 9 months.  The dryness in climate, the lack of water, was fine in the Winter, but as the snow melted in Idyllwild, I just longed to be home.  And that's what I am coming to.  An awareness that I have always had, but am embracing like a long lost lover - I just cannot live away from the Ocean.  I need Her.  Home is anywhere coastal for me.  Its as if I am re-hydrating my soul.

The Ocean's essence is laced into the air I breathe here.  She sings her rhythmic song all day and night, while the wind dances across Her belly.   I can't be away from Her for too long.  I don't want to be.  And so for now, each day that comes, I find myself giving over quite a few hours just looking into this blue expanse, letting it soothe my being. 

I send some of it to each of you now...  droplets of cerulean blue ocean to mist your faces and enchant you.

Hello. Goodbye!

Hello again.  What was originally going to be a two week break, ended up being the entire month of May!  I spent the month writing, creating and retreating quite a bit.  Its odd that in the height of all this warmth and Spring blossom, I have needed to retreat again.  Pulled back, observing my life, the dynamics that run my interactions, and how I continue to evolve my expression in the world.

It has been strange not writing on either one of my blogs, and even more so not reading all of yours.  I miss keeping up on your amazing lives.  It has been important though to keep outer stimulus to a minimum and although we have continued our Idyllwild social lives, I have been quite soft and quiet, absorbing the lessons that have seen fit to come my way.

So much going on and so much to share... But that will come over the coming weeks.  For now I just wanted to share that I am back and will be writing from our little temporary haven in Maui!  Jon and I are trading homes with his mother who needs a quiet place to finish her dissertation.  So Jon and I will be staying at her place on the beach in Maui for the entire month of June!

I can't tell you how excited I am. And desperate.  Desperate to be near the ocean again, to feel the salt in the air, and to lay out and soak up that sun while the waves crash near by.  My life has been so dry here in Idyllwild.  I have yet to get use to how little water there is in the air here, and I feel like being in Maui will be one big long drink of water for my body and my soul.

We take off tomorrow.  Can't wait to get there and kick up my heals and the deck and catch up with everyone!

Aloha!

Favorite Things This Week

~Bench Monday
~Earl Grey tea
~Twitter
~ Jesse Reno
~This Poppytalk  shop
~The scent of my Lover's skin
~My MacBook Pro
~My camera
~Brandi Carlile

What's making you smile and feel happy this week?

Lunarmusings Turns 3!

I can't believe its been three years since I started this blog.  Its been an amazing journey, and one that has become very dear to me.  Blogging is a natural part of my life now, and I really can't remember life without it.  Sharing, writing, discovering and meeting some pretty amazing people has been a great blessing. 

Looking through my old posts, I came across one soon after I began blogging.  What I wrote was so relevant to where I find myself now, I had to copy and paste it here.  I have been spiraling deeper and around this and find that in the end, it has always been about writing. 

My entire life has been about writing...

"I am just now reconnecting with my dream to write.  To be a writer.  As in write and express myself as my work in the world.  I learned to write fairly early, and from that first Hello Kitty journal, I have never stopped.  My writing life has very much been this Anais Nin quote.

"We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection."

Poetry and I have played together on and off through out the years, but it is the journal, the confessional, the explorational, the combing over of the internal details that has sustained me all these years.  I have never been a fictional story teller, and for a time in high school I wrote for the school newspaper. 

For a thousand reasons, all of them unknown to me at the time I pursued Social Work in college.  Some part of me forgot the simple vision of sitting at a desk and writing for ever, for life, for sustenance, and picked up the work of people.  But I have never stopped journaling.  Its like breathing.  I don't have to think about it, I don't have to schedule it.  It just happens.  And it has to happen.  It completes my experiences, it settles me down, it drains the storms that stir up and blesses the gifts that come to me each day.

Throughout the years I have compile a list of the books I would write.  A zine, a journey, a visual, a search.  All of them not possible if not for the last 34 years of life and experience.  All of it lead and informed by my call to human relationships, the human soul, the Feminine Divine, and the weaving that occurs when your heart shifts the very ground you walk on. 

I would write about beauty as a practice (wink and smile to Meg), I would write about loves journey, women's rituals, birth, the body's universe, the Ocean, Luna and Her pull on our lives.  I would write our blood, our blood lines, our blood secrets, and our blood truth.  I would write about touch, Yes, and the Inbetween Spaces we travel when uncovering ourselves, and the Mother.  I would write about Sisterhood, revolution, peace and freedom.  And of course, I would write about food.  Who would I be if I didn't write about food?

So much.  I love blogging.  Its my new practice and entry way into the old and safely kept part of myself.  I realize just how formless my writing has become, and how foreign a simple essay is!  I am finding my voice in a new way, as when I write I have you in mind.  I certainly couldn't give you the extremely free form stream of consciousness that occurs in my journals.  Although I do realize that I give you alot of that here as well!

I write.  I love words.  I love books.  I love the expressionings of the the soul.  It is one of the first things I have ever known about mySelf.  That knowing that is rooted in stone.  I don't question it, I don't think about it - it just is.  I am grateful to have this, and grateful to you who stops by for a spell and takes it in.  You bless me and honor my words, and I thank you!"

Happy birthday Lunarmusings!

Thank you, Connie!

I have to thank Connie for yesterday's amazing interview over at Blog Talk Radio.  We had so much fun, and the 45 minutes of talking seemed to fly by in seconds.  Connie airs an episode of Dirty Footprints Studio every Sunday.  I highly recommend making yourself a delicious tea and spending an hour each Sunday morning with her.  Each show is inspiring, and introduces all of us to amazing Blog writers. 

You can listen to our chat here.

What's New

There are a couple of fun things happening that I wanted to update you all on.  First, the fun and fabulous Connie over at Dirty Footprints is going to be interviewing me at Blog Talk Radio!  Can you believe it?  Two blog girlies chatting away a Sunday morning for all to listen in on... its going to be a blast!  Come join in and give a listen, by going to the link below.  We will be on at 9 AM Pacific Standard Time, but it will also be available to listen to in her archive section, and when I have it I will post a link to it here in my sidebar.

 

Another lovely happening is that I am starting a Tarot circle called Tarot Thursday over at  Inner Revealings Tarot.  There is a badge link for it in my side bar as well.

 

And last and never ever least, I am returning to Wellness Wednesday. My first post back will be next Wednesday, March 4, 2009.  If you are interested in participating, please follow the link above and leave your address so I can include you in the Wellness Wednesday blog roll. 

Dragonfly Dreams

I have been dreaming of Dragonflies lately. Out of no where they seem to be making appearances in my dreams, buzzing around, landing on my shoulders, following me where ever it is that I wander in the dreamtime. I looked up Dragonfly Medicine and well... it all so divinely makes sense (I found this online, and regretfully in looking through various tabs I lost track of where I got this.  If this is yours please let me know and I will credit you.)

"Dragonfly embodies a stripping away of all the beliefs that say we cannot do this or that, achieve a dream or goal, it is to remind us that anything is possible when we really get the understanding that we are part of Spirit and as such we have the power to manifest anything that we desire. Dragonfly is the keeper of dreams, the knower within that sees all of our true potential and ability. Dragonfly strips away the illusions that say to us we cannot achieve our dreams and goals, that we are not worthy or capable when in fact it is our birthright and our true power to create anything we choose!"

Our Souls know exactly what is needed to reveal the affirmation we need at the right time.  It never ceases to amaze me and humble me.  Out of my dreams this journal and a few pieces of writing have emerged, and continue to do so.  Even though I lose track of where I am going I am getting the message loud and clear that the path ahead is indeed there and I am still on it.

I have posted this journal in my shop.  It very much wants to find its home in the hands of a fellow dreamer.

Blessings and sweet magic in your dreamtimes...