LunarMusings

Sacred Life Sunday: Magical Lovers and Righteous Babes

Sacred Life Sunday

Its been an amazing week.  The support and words I received from all of you in my previous post was so beautiful.  I am grateful to each of you who left comments, sent emails, and created posts of your own in response to mine. 

One of the gifts of wisdom I received this week was from our therapist.  She is quite simply amazing, and Jon and I have been so deeply enriched by having her in our lives.  She is a Spiritual Therapist and is in such alignment with who we are and where we want our lives to go, I sometimes can't believe how blessed we are to have her.  She helped me reframe this duality I have going with being an artist and a business woman.  Both require creation, creative approaches, and are a phenomenal opportunity to integrate my left and right brain. 

I had never looked at it this way, although it seems obvious.  Its all a dance, and I'm the one who gets to paint my approach to it all in whatever brushstrokes and colors I want.  What began to be clear to me however, was my pessimism about my abilities to pull off a successful creative life that supports me and flourishes in the world.

Money has always presented a bit of mental/emotional block for me, and this was the topic of discussion between Jon and I on our dinner date the other night.  It was one of those conversations where I am needing to revisit and have him repeat his wise and loving offerings over and over again, because I am forgetting already.  But in such a loving way, and with such wisdom, he pointed out for me how I speak about money, and my ability to manifest my financial world, from the assumption that I just can't. 

So much was said, but what I took with me from that talk was when he reminded me that I can do whatever I set myself out to do.  If someone else has done it then so can I.  And that I need to get that I have the capacity to find my way to what it is I want to create in my life. This is the assumption I need to operate from in the world.  I am paraphrasing a bit here, because again, it was challenging to hear.  But there is something magical in having a lover hold your gaze and tell you that you can.  And I found myself drinking it in like Moon Nectar for the Soul.  He was affirming in many ways that evening.  I later received the nicest compliment I have ever gotten.  Ever.  (Thank you deeply my love.)

I am finding that I am healed by my willingness to open.  Open to him, open to myself, and open to the gifts that are continually wanting to come my way and be received by me.  I know that when I am in resistance, as I am to approaching my store and income as a business, that I block the universe from gifting me with more.  I block myself from playing Big.  And more then all that, I miss an opportunity to really be creative in broader ways in my life.

After all this goodness, I went on a date with two of my Soul Sisters.  We saw Ani Difranco in concert at the House of Blues in Anaheim, California. I had never seen her live before even though I have been a fan for over a decade. Here's a little blurb on Ani:

"Ani DiFranco is a singer, guitarist, and songwriter. She started her own record label at the age of eighteen, called Righteous Babe Records. She is known as a prolific artist (having already released seventeen albums) and is seen by many as a women's rights and feminist icon. She received the "Woman of Courage Award" at the National Organization for Women (NOW) Conference and Young Feminist Summit in Albany, NY."

I don't know how to even write about this.  This woman rocks.  Her path as a Feminist performer in this world... paving her own way, putting out her own music, her political message, her refusal to sell out... the way she kills it with that guitar on stage!  Oh my god!  My soul was so shaken.  So excited, and thrilled.  The Righteous Babe in me felt ready to burst out of my body and take flight. You know that swell of tears you get when you watch something so true, so sourced from the deepest wells, so profoundly, artistically, revolutionarily beautiful, that you are no longer watching with your physical eyes or listening with your mere mortal ears, but instead receiving from your own deepest well of soul essence?  I had that.  Over and over again.  She sang to me.  Woke me up. 

Her stories about birthing her daughter at home, how that reinvented her Feminism, her lyrics, her energy and voice, the unapologetic taking up of her space in the world, her devotion to art, and paving her own way and giving the same opportunity to other artists, her courageousness in writing and reciting this poem:

floor me, and inspire me to be my own brand of courageous, revolutionary, spiritual feminist, with a voice that is compelled to speak out Truth, and the audacity to know that I can do anything I set out to do. 

Here is another video.  This one is part interview and part music video.  I love this song!

And of course this song.  Because we are all at minimum 32 flavors, and there is room for all of us at the top.

I set out at the beginning of this year to Play Big In LIfe, and since then, a huge mirror has been held up to my face by the universe showing me all the way in which I don't.  Its humbling, daunting at times, and depressing at others.  And yet, it has also been an amazing opportunity for magical encounters like the ones I have had this week that are there to show me the Big Me thats available.

Its been a good week.

Long Beach WomenSpirit Faire

I participated in a biannual faire last weekend.  It was quite a bit of fun and work.  Loads of work!  I feel in some ways that I am still recovering from it.  I sold journals and goodies that I still have from my trip to India.  The lanterns in the picture are from India and they danced overhead in my tent from every corner and in between!  They add such a sense of the magical as they swayed and twirled all day.  We were definitely the most colorful booth there!

I've sold at this faire may times in the past.  Its equal parts sales oppurtunity and social gathering as I know so many people from different aspects of my world that attend. This year sales were ok.  Better then last time, but not by much.  And this is where things begin to get challenging for me.

I am really struggling with this dual role of artist and business woman.  In a perfect world I would spend my days creating whatever it was that wanted to be created, and lose myself in the process.  I wouldn't have to train my brain to think in terms of profit margins, weekly budget, and marketing strategies.  Trying to figure out if something like the fair is cost effective and profitable in many ways takes away from the experience for me.  It also changes how I create.

Recently, I met a man who owns a store in Big Bear, California.  He loves my journals and would like to have about 25 of them along with a story board display to sell in his store.  He loves them so much he will pay retail prices for the whole thing!  I am floored by his confidence and overwhelmed by such volume.  Its a great opportunity. 

There is a time factor of course, along with the set amount.  I am aware that even through my excitement, there is a bit of hesitancy, even a sensation of being a bit stifled.  Rather then create out of whatever impulse is wanting expression within me, I now have to create that 25 times!  Am I making this more complicated for myself then it has to be?  I wonder if this is really just an "upper limits" block I have and not an artists' sensibility and commitment to the authentic spontaneous creative process?

I dont' know.  But this really came up for me at with the fair.  I found myself calculating how many journals and art pieces I had to sell, compared to the time spent preparing, and money invested in participating with what needed to be sold in order to not only cover my time and invested money, but also create a profit.  :/

Taking all these things into consideration... I did not make a profit.  And I am trying to really learn that making a profit is just as important as the experience, and the fun, and the socializing.  I am finding this to be a challenge, particularly on how it colors my creative process.  I don't know how to create with free abandon while having all these considerations and calculations in my head.

Are any of you creatives hitting up against this?  How do you work with it?  I would love to get feedback and hear how you are all doing with this.

Immersed

Its been so so long since I have paid any attention to my poor lonely blog!  I have been in all sorts of projects.  I can't seem to sufficiently compartmentalize my different tasks in a way that allows for everything to get equal attention. This is a story I either need to embrace or find a way to shift.  Not sure which quite yet...

I'm learning things.  Continuting to slowing get comfortable with a digital SLR, and exploring my visions while wielding such an amazing tool.  And Photoshop!  I love Photoshop!  Everyday its a new discovery.  I long for those days in my early 20s when I could stay up all night completely immersed in some project or another.  These days, I'm immersed until sleep demands my presence, or another responsibility yanks me away.  My head swirls quite a bit these days though.  I find myself making lists not to keep track of what needs to be done, but to remind myself of what it is I am actually in the process of working on.  Does that make sense?  Its as if my brain can't hold it all.

Just typing this makes me want to create a list again.  Its like an itch on my brain.  Is it age, do you think?

Ok... here goes:

Sacred Pregnancy Book Project
Preparation for WomanSpirit Faire
Is It In My Eye Art Exhibition
Summer Zine Issue
Photo Transfer Project
3 Custom made journals
Learn everything there is to know about InDesign!

This list isn't helping me.  I was talking to a friend today and she mentioned getting a huge white erase board that I can outline every project on so that I would have a visual of it all as each project progresses.  I like the idea but have absolutely no room for something like this on any of my walls.  We are at capacity here!

I need to practice the balance.  And still savor the many details of my life and options right now.  I miss my blog.  I miss all of you, and I miss visiting your beautiful corners of this wonderful Web we have woven.  I am dancing about... and will continue to poke my head in as often as I can!

Tripping Along The Journey

I have a massage I'm running off to in a few minutes.  And just before I took a moment to sit down at my computer to check for any last minute emails before leaving, I realized just how much I was running off to a massage in a few minutes. 

I actually ran this morning, and yet long after I went for my run, my head, the voices, the lists, the habit continued to run even though there was a stretch of 45 minutes where I sat down to watch last nights episode of Grey's Anatomy.  I was sitting, watching, doing nothing, and yet, the whole of me was running lists, sensations of pressure, and the anxious "oh... I have to get up and do something" mode.

So, I'm sitting here.  With intention.  With some long deep breaths.  To stop for a few minutes and slow it all down, turn it off, reconnect with conscious intention and approach my hour of healing massage with a restful mind.  I'm not beating myself up this time.  Its just a habit I trip over every now and again.  I lose track of the momentum building up around me, and let myself get whisked away and in the letting go, sometimes the noise that has been such a habitual friend gets trip on again. 

I am off to get a massage.  And rather then run off, I'm going to skip, stroll, dance my way there. 

Flow Temple in Los Angeles

Last night, after my grump fest, Jon and I went to a Flow Temple Party.  Dan, the organizer is a friend of Jon's from Thailand.  It was such an amazing experience.  Essentially, anyone who is an artist is invited to come and participate in the creative Flow.  Dancers, musicians, painters, sculptors, fire spinners, acrobats, photographers...  The purpose is to come together and allow the energy to move us all in creating.  It was fabulous, and last night was especially wonderful because some of the best Poi Spinners in the world came by.  The video you see below is of a fire dancer named Yuta, who hails from Japan, and has quite a following.  I am trying to find videos of last night on Youtube to share with others, and this one is the best so far.  You can actually see me in the background in the first half of this video! The last half of the video is at the end of the evening with the musicians left their instruments, and just let loose vocally.  So much fun!

I must say that this evening was the perfect remedy for how cranky I was feeling early in that day.  It was such an inspiration and energy rush to be in a room full of creative people celebrating each others art.  Most were performance artists, but there is room for all, as there are tables set up around the parameter of the space so artists can paint, sculpt, draw, etc while the music and the dancing is being performed.  I also got a chance to see Jon spin fire for the first time and it was quite frankly the sexiest thing I have ever seen.  No words...   :) I will be posting some of the photos I took last night on my Flickr stream in the upcoming days.  Stay tuned!

Update: Here is another fabulous video!

Cranky and Venting

I'm so cranky today.  I can feel it under my skin...  Have any of you ever had that?  It seems as if my flow is blocked at every turn.  Had some plans, expectations, needs for how I would work, be, organize and relax and for some reason... not going to happen.  The vision?  Kicked to the side. 

And I wonder if its hormonal.  I mean really, intellectually I get that I can go with the flow wherever it wants to lead me.  Its not like anything that is presenting itself is a big deal, some of it actually fun.  But its the inconvenience of letting go of the plan.  Ugh.  This is my stuff.  And sometimes I'm good at going with what spontaneously wants to happen... today?  Not so much. 

Oi... you have no idea how cranky I am.  I hope the rest of you are starting your weekend off in a much better mood!

Art and Remembering Long Lost Love Rituals

I just posted this to my shop.   I got so wordy in my description of it, that I thought I would just add it here, as it became a journal entry anyway! 

"I remember over 12 years ago, I traveled to Cuba with my family for a few weeks. I had left behind my Love at the time, one of those intense loves that are prone to crazy longing and perhaps more drama then I cared to admit at the time. :) Communication was impossible from Cuba at that time, and I had so much I wanted to say to him.

After a few days of this, my artist self grabbed the few markers that I had and began using those magazines as stationary for my letters to him. As the days passed, my writing became less about my then Love, and more about how fun and inspiring it was to write whole pages of words over glossy colors, contours of faces, smaller text that served as boundaries for my extravagant handwriting. It was a whole new way of experiencing the magazines I sooo love still to this day.

So this lovely journal is an entire book, of glossy colors, text, shapes that are just waiting for some marker flair. I love it! And I know that the Arty Soul who grabs this sweet book will love it too!"

Did you ever do that?  Write whole magazines worth of letters?  I had an acquaintance one that had done that as well.  I haven't done it since, but creating this journal has definitely inspired me to give it another try.  It saddens me to think of all the handwritten letters I have created in my day, and how I just don't do that anymore.  Emails, blog posts, voicemails... all the time.  Actually writing a letter?  Haven't done it in years.  And I was such a pen pal in my youth...  (Francesca love,  I miss our mail art!  Perhaps?  :)

So my lovelies, go find some magazines to write letters in, or to use as a journal, or buy my journal!  :)  Whatever you do, find some time to write.  Its an art that transcends time.

Sending you all inspired Saturday conversations with yourself, those you love, and new acquaintances.

My Boys

I had to share this picture.  This is our version of the Family Bed!  I walked into our bedroom, wondering why everything was so quiet in the house, and this is what I found...  Jon practicing his Mandarin characters on his iPhone, while Tucker napped next to him. 

Its a lovely and busy life here these days.  I miss having the time to come here and muse about it.  Jon and I both have our individual projects that we are completely immersed in, and we are finding creative ways to support one another in the others endeavors.  We're dancing with it and I'm grateful that in it all there is time for delicious moments like this. 

My Mom can't stand the idea of a dog in the bed.  Many people can't actually, but how can you resist a dog that insist on being human by picking the fluffy pillow for his head, and cuddling against his Papa like this?  (if you look closely, you can see Tucker hair all over Jon's shirt)  :)

Anyway, I'm just checking in.  Letting you all know I'm still here, lurking, wishing, longing to come back into the mix.  I have the next few days to myself as Jon and Tucker have headed up to the cabin to work on the remodeling going on up there.  I get to work on my art projects, meet with girlfriends, do my toes, and catch up on your lives!

Oh and a huge PS!  Excuse the looks of this place while I continue working on shifting things around on this page.  I am working on a new banner, and new blog rolls and other goodies.  I'm just a bit slow with the whole thing.

Much love,
e

Changes...

We have spent the last week trying to rearrange my art area so that Jon and I both could have a space to work.  The house is in upheaval with art supplies everywhere!  Although as I type this things are a bit better.  We now have a great table for our computers and printer, and I have my old desk for my art. 

Its been a slow meandering process for us to adjust to living here.  Its a small lovely space in a great location.  But the smallness has been in a challenge.  And with my art work requiring more and more amplitude, and his computer set up requiring some stable space, we have been trying to shift, shuffle and accommodate for all of our needs. 

Its been a dance with us.  Lovers creating a space together that is a reflection of us both.  Trying to fit a boy into my girly home with every closet already filled to the ceiling has been quite the adventure.  And I imagine that the changes will continue to occur as time unfolds.

For now, this is a tiny glimpse into our workspace madness.  I am hoping that with the addition of a shelf the space will open up enough to allow poor Tucker to be able to walk about without it feeling like an obstacle course!

Things are looking up!

Thank you all for the emails and comments and healing juju!  I am feeling better today.  Still very much under the weather, but there is such a marked improvement that my mood has turned quite sunny! 

I am actually sitting outside right now with my laptop.  Needed to finally leave the house and absorb some heat and light.  It feels good sitting here on my porch watching the world stroll by.  Tucker is sniffing every corner of the porch for signs of my neigbhors dogs, and the sky is holding me in its embrace. 

I am still slow in returning emails, but will in the next few days. 

Again, thank you all, and please keep it coming!

Blessings,
e