LunarMusings

Sacred Life Sunday: Magical Lovers and Righteous Babes

Sacred Life Sunday

Its been an amazing week.  The support and words I received from all of you in my previous post was so beautiful.  I am grateful to each of you who left comments, sent emails, and created posts of your own in response to mine. 

One of the gifts of wisdom I received this week was from our therapist.  She is quite simply amazing, and Jon and I have been so deeply enriched by having her in our lives.  She is a Spiritual Therapist and is in such alignment with who we are and where we want our lives to go, I sometimes can't believe how blessed we are to have her.  She helped me reframe this duality I have going with being an artist and a business woman.  Both require creation, creative approaches, and are a phenomenal opportunity to integrate my left and right brain. 

I had never looked at it this way, although it seems obvious.  Its all a dance, and I'm the one who gets to paint my approach to it all in whatever brushstrokes and colors I want.  What began to be clear to me however, was my pessimism about my abilities to pull off a successful creative life that supports me and flourishes in the world.

Money has always presented a bit of mental/emotional block for me, and this was the topic of discussion between Jon and I on our dinner date the other night.  It was one of those conversations where I am needing to revisit and have him repeat his wise and loving offerings over and over again, because I am forgetting already.  But in such a loving way, and with such wisdom, he pointed out for me how I speak about money, and my ability to manifest my financial world, from the assumption that I just can't. 

So much was said, but what I took with me from that talk was when he reminded me that I can do whatever I set myself out to do.  If someone else has done it then so can I.  And that I need to get that I have the capacity to find my way to what it is I want to create in my life. This is the assumption I need to operate from in the world.  I am paraphrasing a bit here, because again, it was challenging to hear.  But there is something magical in having a lover hold your gaze and tell you that you can.  And I found myself drinking it in like Moon Nectar for the Soul.  He was affirming in many ways that evening.  I later received the nicest compliment I have ever gotten.  Ever.  (Thank you deeply my love.)

I am finding that I am healed by my willingness to open.  Open to him, open to myself, and open to the gifts that are continually wanting to come my way and be received by me.  I know that when I am in resistance, as I am to approaching my store and income as a business, that I block the universe from gifting me with more.  I block myself from playing Big.  And more then all that, I miss an opportunity to really be creative in broader ways in my life.

After all this goodness, I went on a date with two of my Soul Sisters.  We saw Ani Difranco in concert at the House of Blues in Anaheim, California. I had never seen her live before even though I have been a fan for over a decade. Here's a little blurb on Ani:

"Ani DiFranco is a singer, guitarist, and songwriter. She started her own record label at the age of eighteen, called Righteous Babe Records. She is known as a prolific artist (having already released seventeen albums) and is seen by many as a women's rights and feminist icon. She received the "Woman of Courage Award" at the National Organization for Women (NOW) Conference and Young Feminist Summit in Albany, NY."

I don't know how to even write about this.  This woman rocks.  Her path as a Feminist performer in this world... paving her own way, putting out her own music, her political message, her refusal to sell out... the way she kills it with that guitar on stage!  Oh my god!  My soul was so shaken.  So excited, and thrilled.  The Righteous Babe in me felt ready to burst out of my body and take flight. You know that swell of tears you get when you watch something so true, so sourced from the deepest wells, so profoundly, artistically, revolutionarily beautiful, that you are no longer watching with your physical eyes or listening with your mere mortal ears, but instead receiving from your own deepest well of soul essence?  I had that.  Over and over again.  She sang to me.  Woke me up. 

Her stories about birthing her daughter at home, how that reinvented her Feminism, her lyrics, her energy and voice, the unapologetic taking up of her space in the world, her devotion to art, and paving her own way and giving the same opportunity to other artists, her courageousness in writing and reciting this poem:

floor me, and inspire me to be my own brand of courageous, revolutionary, spiritual feminist, with a voice that is compelled to speak out Truth, and the audacity to know that I can do anything I set out to do. 

Here is another video.  This one is part interview and part music video.  I love this song!

And of course this song.  Because we are all at minimum 32 flavors, and there is room for all of us at the top.

I set out at the beginning of this year to Play Big In LIfe, and since then, a huge mirror has been held up to my face by the universe showing me all the way in which I don't.  Its humbling, daunting at times, and depressing at others.  And yet, it has also been an amazing opportunity for magical encounters like the ones I have had this week that are there to show me the Big Me thats available.

Its been a good week.

Art and Remembering Long Lost Love Rituals

I just posted this to my shop.   I got so wordy in my description of it, that I thought I would just add it here, as it became a journal entry anyway! 

"I remember over 12 years ago, I traveled to Cuba with my family for a few weeks. I had left behind my Love at the time, one of those intense loves that are prone to crazy longing and perhaps more drama then I cared to admit at the time. :) Communication was impossible from Cuba at that time, and I had so much I wanted to say to him.

After a few days of this, my artist self grabbed the few markers that I had and began using those magazines as stationary for my letters to him. As the days passed, my writing became less about my then Love, and more about how fun and inspiring it was to write whole pages of words over glossy colors, contours of faces, smaller text that served as boundaries for my extravagant handwriting. It was a whole new way of experiencing the magazines I sooo love still to this day.

So this lovely journal is an entire book, of glossy colors, text, shapes that are just waiting for some marker flair. I love it! And I know that the Arty Soul who grabs this sweet book will love it too!"

Did you ever do that?  Write whole magazines worth of letters?  I had an acquaintance one that had done that as well.  I haven't done it since, but creating this journal has definitely inspired me to give it another try.  It saddens me to think of all the handwritten letters I have created in my day, and how I just don't do that anymore.  Emails, blog posts, voicemails... all the time.  Actually writing a letter?  Haven't done it in years.  And I was such a pen pal in my youth...  (Francesca love,  I miss our mail art!  Perhaps?  :)

So my lovelies, go find some magazines to write letters in, or to use as a journal, or buy my journal!  :)  Whatever you do, find some time to write.  Its an art that transcends time.

Sending you all inspired Saturday conversations with yourself, those you love, and new acquaintances.

My Boys

I had to share this picture.  This is our version of the Family Bed!  I walked into our bedroom, wondering why everything was so quiet in the house, and this is what I found...  Jon practicing his Mandarin characters on his iPhone, while Tucker napped next to him. 

Its a lovely and busy life here these days.  I miss having the time to come here and muse about it.  Jon and I both have our individual projects that we are completely immersed in, and we are finding creative ways to support one another in the others endeavors.  We're dancing with it and I'm grateful that in it all there is time for delicious moments like this. 

My Mom can't stand the idea of a dog in the bed.  Many people can't actually, but how can you resist a dog that insist on being human by picking the fluffy pillow for his head, and cuddling against his Papa like this?  (if you look closely, you can see Tucker hair all over Jon's shirt)  :)

Anyway, I'm just checking in.  Letting you all know I'm still here, lurking, wishing, longing to come back into the mix.  I have the next few days to myself as Jon and Tucker have headed up to the cabin to work on the remodeling going on up there.  I get to work on my art projects, meet with girlfriends, do my toes, and catch up on your lives!

Oh and a huge PS!  Excuse the looks of this place while I continue working on shifting things around on this page.  I am working on a new banner, and new blog rolls and other goodies.  I'm just a bit slow with the whole thing.

Much love,
e

Transcending Valentines...

Last Sunday, Jon and I celebrated Valentines by having a romantic brunch at Inn of the Seventh Ray.   Its such a lovely place nestled in Topanga Canyon, California.  The food is organic, mainly vegetarian, and their brunch on Sundays is heavenly.  It was a perfect morning. 

And today has been a day like most other days.  Ran errands, spent time in that kinda logistical talk couples go through when trying to manage schedules and organize activities, and then I went into the office to see clients.  We knew it would be this kind of day, and this is why we did our brunch last weekend.

But this evening I arrived at home much earlier then expected and now we find ourselves in a place that is quickly becoming our home away from home.  We are sitting side by side on big comfy chairs, working on our respective laptops, catching up on research, emails and posts, while drinking a Mexican Chocolate Mocha and a Blended Soy Chai.  Local artists are singing folksy love songs and every once and a while a glance transpires between this wonderful Love and I, and I am so filled. 

I am finding today that I am in a very full and held place.  It took me a few minutes to come up with that last word, "held".  Its not exactly the right word, but I can't quite find the one I am needing.  I am moved by the  simplicity of our lives and of the rythms that have once again found their homes between us.  He has been home since October, and we are reaching a new place of comfort, closeness, reality. 

There have been challenges, as there will continue to be, we have had big tension, and small petty "please don't leave dirty dishes in the sink" type "discussions".  We have had distance, and moments of messy, tender and open vulnerability.  I am still amazed when I look at him, that this Beloved has landed at my side and that he is in fact that person I would call Beloved. 

He is beautiful, delicious, infuriating, motivating, supporting, real, and so much more.  Its him, but more then him, its the delicate intricacies that occur between souls when they engage in such an intimate dance.  I feel more, want more, resist more, open to more, taste more, give thanks for and bow again and again to more with this man in my life.   

One of my Sister Friends says that she doesn't know anyone who is as in love with love as I am.  I disagree with her.  Its not that I am in love with love.  Its not that naive infatuation with desire of romance, its awe at the feet of a practice and a journey that is meant to forge our souls into something beyond earthly human comprehension. Its awe and terror over the fact that if we don't pay attention to the miracle of the soul dance we are engaged in, we miss the True experience Love is here to give us. 

Right now, Jon and I are sitting side by side.  He is working on his computer, I am typing this on mine.  The mountain man is singing in a raspy voice while playing his guitar, "I'll be waiting when you wake up..."  We're not talking to one another, but our proximity, our energy, intermingles in familiarity and comfort.  The music is a shroud that is wrapping itself around both our shoulders, giving us a smaller space within this larger room.  And I'm feeling that this is just as much a celebration of our love and coupledom as our date at Inn of the Seventh Ray last Sunday.  And its a wonderful Valentines Day.  Even if it is a Hallmark Holiday...

As my wise bloggie friend has been telling us, "Love is Everywhere" , and I pray it finds you all in deep and magical ways!

Changes...

We have spent the last week trying to rearrange my art area so that Jon and I both could have a space to work.  The house is in upheaval with art supplies everywhere!  Although as I type this things are a bit better.  We now have a great table for our computers and printer, and I have my old desk for my art. 

Its been a slow meandering process for us to adjust to living here.  Its a small lovely space in a great location.  But the smallness has been in a challenge.  And with my art work requiring more and more amplitude, and his computer set up requiring some stable space, we have been trying to shift, shuffle and accommodate for all of our needs. 

Its been a dance with us.  Lovers creating a space together that is a reflection of us both.  Trying to fit a boy into my girly home with every closet already filled to the ceiling has been quite the adventure.  And I imagine that the changes will continue to occur as time unfolds.

For now, this is a tiny glimpse into our workspace madness.  I am hoping that with the addition of a shelf the space will open up enough to allow poor Tucker to be able to walk about without it feeling like an obstacle course!

Reweaving...

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."

~Rumi

He's home.

Happy Birthday Love!

Its my Beloved's birthday today!  And here he is adjusting and readjusting his lenses for his camera, that I have grabbed from him to capture this photo. (I harbor deep camera envy!) Cutey isn't he?

Its odd being out here for his birthday.  For the last 3 years we have enjoyed gathering all of his friends for big dinner celebrations in his honor.  What he always wants more then anything on his birthday is being surrounded by those he loves most.  This year we are in Delhi, and its a very different landscape indeed.

Celebrating birthdays is an opportunity to lavish attention, gratitude and love love love on the person of honor.  I feel stunted a bit by the fact that I don't really have a gift to speak of for him this year or that there isn't some great foodie place to discover with all of our nearest and dearest.  So I am instead going to give you 34 wonders about him in honor of his 34 years.  This one is for you my love!

1.  He is loyal.  Completely so. 

2.  As a testament of this, he has a beautiful long lasting and intimate group of friends.  Many of which he has known since High School.  It is truly one of the things I love about him most.

3.  He is brutally honest.  Ask him and he will tell you.  Doesn't always deliver it with what I would call "Libra softness" but it something I rely on and trust.  Priceless.

4.  Complete and utter techno-geek!  Anything computer, or even automotive, which I'm not sure qualifies as techno, but he knows it, is in the process of researching it, or is playing with it at that moment.  I find this profoundly sexy!

5.  He has a heart for yoga.  Open, willing and longing. 

6.  He has for the last 10 years or so dreamed of, talked about, planned for and longed for leaving his California life behind and setting off into the world to travel and roam the world.  This last August he finally set off!  He made this monumental dream come true, one that not many get to have in their lifetimes, and I so very proud of him for doing this.  He has been traveling since August, and off of work since last March!  He has driven across the US, up into Montreal, spent time in Thailand, Laos, a few days in Cambodia, and now in India with me.  He's my Gypsy Soul Man...

7.  He is a boy with his dog.  And what can I say about this that I already haven't in a previous post?

8. He is a mean vegetable chopping machine!  He's a great kitchen assistant with skills I certainly didn't have coming into our relationship.  And he's taught me some tips on chopping, slicing and dicing, as well as the importance of a fine knife.

9.  Civil Engineer, which I love.  It gives him a very logical manner of thinking, which is a great balance to my circular, artistic, abstract existence.

10.  Off sets his Civil Engineer Self with Rock Climbing, Yoga, spiritual curiosity and a burgeoning passion for photography.

11.  Is a toucher.  One of the small things for me early on in our relationship... and still, is that while sleeping together, there would be a subtle toe, foot, or pinky touch that would bridge the gap between us.  It may have been too hot to cuddle, but somewhere in the middle of the night our pinkies would be intertwined. 

12.  Physically he is insanely confident.  By that I mean that any athletic activity that he hasn't tried before, he will set out to do, and then do it well.  I think its a product of his Aries nature.

13.  His skin smells delicious.

14.  And he wears a suit extremely well!

15.  He's a walking library or random and varied factoids.

16.  He owns his authority as an adult man in the world with softness and strength.  I caught this early on in him, in our first date in fact, and it was huge for me.  There was a comfort there, that spoke volumes to me about his security.

17.  He's easy going with others.  In places where I tend to get a bit impatient, edgy, or snippy, particular here in India where sometimes we get lied to in order to have to pay more, or buy something we don't need, he smiles and handles it with compassion and detached patience.  I on the other hand have to actively breathe through it in order to not become shall we say... bitchy?  Can I say that here?

18.  He's human.  In big ways and in all ways.  Learning Love as an adult woman while facing the realities of our individual humanity, particularly the humanity of the Beloved is a huge ride.  And each day that I have with him, and get to See him more and more, is a lesson in compassion, Unconditional Love, and Truth.  His challenges mirror to me exactly what I need to see in order to learn Love more and more. 

19.  Yummy kisser.

20.  Fire Dancer.

21.  Money conscious and money manifesting.  One of the biggest teachers for me in this relationship has been watching Jon with money.  I have written several blog posts about my relationship with money in the past, and it is certainly an unconscious and conflicted one.  But where we all (or many of us) spend time talking about budgets, and being broke, and not having enough, and trying to manifest, or apply the principles of The Secret.  His language and conceptualization is just completely different. He automatically operates from a place of abundance and not scarcity.  I often imagine myself walking behind him with a paper pad and pencil taking notes.  He is conscious about what he purchases and the choices around that, he sets an amount of money he needs to make for a given period and it just happens.  He's responsible and manifesting, and thats all I can really say about that, because even though he is conscious with his money, he is unconscious of exactly what is different in his belief system about money to be able to share it with me or others.  So I continue to take notes!

22.  He loves music and dancing, and has taken salsa classes with me.  I love this, because... see next one...

23.  I can drag him to anything, and he's game!  Wiccan Goddess Festival?  He's in.  Hindu worship ceremony called a Kali Puja?  There.  Documentary/dance love-in somewhere in LA?  All over it.  And I love this so much, because I have never dated a guy or known a guy for that matter, that didn't pull that whole resistant macho thing about trying anything remotely new or different or hippie/bohemian fringe, which is really what I'm all about.

24.  Vegetarian.  Sort of.  He's a bit of a cheater when it comes to fish, and we are vegetarians for different reasons, but its great having a partner in food land when sitting at a family function.  And I can cook him anything I eat and he's all over that too!

25.  His toes...  and his hands.  This is probably more about me then him, but I love a man with great hands and feet.  I have no idea what the heck this is about, but he has the most perfect digits EVER!

26.  He has a bit of a sick sense of humor.  Sometimes good, sometimes not!  :)

27.  Believes its important to attend family functions like holidays, birthdays, weddings, funerals etc.  For blood family and tribe.  Its a commitment that comes naturally to him, and it goes with his long lasting friendships. 

28.  Gives a great massage... (hint hint!)

29.  Wonderfully social and great to be at a party with.

30.  Great gift giver.

31.  Loves me!

32.  Is amazing with children.  Plays, connects, invents and teaches in ways that warm my heart and children relate to so well.

33.  Loves the Ocean like me.  And sails... wishes to sail around the world.

34.  Has taken me deeper into the heart of Love then any other person ever has.  And thats not a testament to who he thinks he is, but a testament to who he is at a soul level. 

Bonus:  He's cool, chill, a bit arrogant and smart.  Brainy even.  Moves with grace, strong, flexible, and just hot as can be.  His laugh sends me... it Sends me. And falling asleep with him next to me is pure heaven.  Unless he's snoring!  ;)

I love you baby!  Happy Birthday!

e

Love Is Everything...

I'm a girl completely head over heals for love.  Its really the only thing we're on this planet for.  Its the lesson at the end of every path, and its the one thing that can and will heal every wound we each have and will carry individually and collectively.

And no where is the ability to learn love more potent then with an Other.  The Other.  A Beloved. 

One of my most treasured books is Enchanted Love by Marianne Williamson.  This book has changed me, healed me and raised me to be the growing and learning woman in love that I am today.  I love this book.  When you look at my copy of it, you can feel the softened covers, the flexible spine, and the countless pen marks throughout the pages.  We are still working with each other this book and I.

So, I decided to pull out one of my favorite quotes from this book in honor of Valentines Day, and realized that there were way to many to just pick one.  So I will just keep adding quotes until I feel its time to stop, or my fingers cramp from so much typing!

"The highest purpose of intimacy is to call forth the beloved's soul."

"Enchanted partnership begins with the conscious understanding, on the part of two people, that the purpose of their relationship is not so much material as spiritual, and the  internal skills demanded by it are prodigious.  High romance is not about past or future.  It is not about practicality.  It is not about society or worldly routines.  It is an audacious ride to the center of what IS, at the heart of every person.  It is a bold and masterful inquiry into who two people really are and how we might become, while still on earth, the angels who reside within us."

"Romance is one of the sacred temples that dot the landscape of a human life.  It is transformative and healing when approached with reverence, but always potentially dangerous when approached with anything less."

"Romance is an emotional and sexual shadow dance, performed by our truer selves behind a spiritual veil.  This veil is not illusion but a gossamer reality.  Within that reality we are all afloat in a liquid amniotic spirit, preparing to be born anew. The art of love is an emotional midwifery.  We hold each other as we emerge together into the light of a new life, both exhilarating and terrifying."

"What love does, if it is allowed to, is to combine people's energies in ways that lift their lives to a mode of divine right order, where new ideas, new possibilities, and new opportunities for growth emanate directly from the heart of God. Our job is to not abort the process."

"We were taught to go after things that we could control.  Love, of course, drives you, and not the other way around.  Most of us, both men and women, are terrified of merging our hearts with another.  We say we're not, but we are.  Even when we're in relationships, we avoid their mystical power.  We turn lovers into roommates, butlers, or maids.  We avoid the real light at the center of romantic passion.   We're afraid it would swallow us up.  And thats because it would, and it does!  Overwhelming our sense of separateness is in fact love's spiritual purpose.  The alchemy of love turns the small into the infinite.  Enchanted romance is a fire meant to burn up our sense of otherness, from other people and from God Himself.  So many of us went around saying for years, "I lose myself in other people too much.  I need to stay out of relationships."  And often that was true.  but after a period of time, that thought just became a rationalization for the avoidance of love.  The day came, once we had developed ourselves and knew who we were, when many of us were only too happy to give up the trappings of our separateness.  To resist intimacy, out of fear that if you love you will risk codependency or enmeshment, is like resisting eating food our of fear of obesity.  That, as we know is not wisdom but severe dysfunction.  At a certain point, once you've established your separate identity, its imperative that you let yourself lose it again.  Otherwise, you can never know love.  The reason intimacy is so important is that it does force us to surrender our sense of separateness, not in a neurotic way, but in and enlightened way."

"We are in relationships to experience aspects of ourselves that cannot be experienced when we are alone.  Some of those aspects are facets of our more solitary existence, expanded to include another being."

"And then, he comes.  People had said that you might meet him in this way or that, but when the day arrived, he just appeared.  Funny.  He's not who you would have thought capable of snatching your heart from your chest.  - Love is simpler than it appears, in this complicated world of ours.  The secret of love is to tell the beloved how wonderful he or she is, constantly and sincerely, at least a million times every day.  Give and then give some more and then give a little more than that.  To the extent that love has dried up in my life, it was always because I became miserly with my expression of affection.  To the extent that love has blossomed in my life, it was always because I expanded my willingness to express the love that often cowers like a child in a corner of my heart.  I have learned that everyone has that corner, and the childlike place where we cower within it.  When we honestly speak from that place in ourselves, we encounter that place in someone else, and then two frightened children become two courageous adults, with a very adult capacity to love and to be loved."

Enchanted Love by Marianne Williamson

That was alot, I know.  And there was more I could have shared, but really, its best to get the book!  Much love to all of you on this day!  Muah!

Treasure from Thailand

Jon has been in Asia, mostly Thailand since November.  And it would seem that while out there he has discovered all manner of magic and adventure. It has been so exciting getting glimpses of his travels through his photos, emails, phone calls and yummy text messages that we have been exchanging all this time. 

One of the things he has been doing is Fire Dancing.  I can't wait to see him perform.  Such a yummy Aries man. This picture is one of the treasures he has sent me.  And I think that its pretty safe to say that my Gypsy Fire Dancing Man has joined the circus! 

Another treasure was sent to me by him around the first week of December inside a box.

And patiently (as patiently as a Libra girl could attempt in matters of treasure) I have waited and waited for this now infamous box to arrive.  Everyday I would run home from work in the hopes that this box of goodies would be waiting for me. My Fristers would all ask me about "The Box" and did it arrive today? No.  I had begun to feel a bit disenchanted frankly... almost like a little boy kicking a can around with that little pouty thing they do with their lips?  That was me, only I'm 35 thank you very much!

But TODAY!!!!!  Today!     It c a m e t o d a y !!!!

My batteries are dead in my camera, so I haven't taken any pictures yet, but my love sent me 2 gorgeous wrap around skirts with gold embroidering along the bottom, a rectangular Hill Tribe woven blanket that will now sit on my couch and has the most extraordinary hues of orange, red and blue, two carved wood panels with beautiful Goddesses carved into the center of each panel... and my most favorite thing of all - a greeting card that has an oragami pop up flower inside with words of love from my guy!

I love love love treasure!  Yay for me!!!!! 

Thank you baby!
e

Self Portrait Tuesday: With Someone #2

This is Jon and I while on vacation several weeks ago in the Adirondacks.  We went with a group of friends to the amazing cabin that sat right over a huge creek and spent 4 days having fun.  We rafted, boated, drove up to Lake Placid for the day and hung out.  On the fourth day everyone left and Jon and I had a chance to hang out for a day and a half all by ourselves.  The pace suddenly changed, and the house was quiet, slow and intimate.  I love cabins lost somewhere up in a mountain...

This is us lounging in the screened in porch that rested over the creek.  We spent this day reading, journaling, talking, lounging, loving and just Being.  Such a great day.  Such a great place!

The "With Someone" theme really resonates with me most when looking at this picture.  I get the pleasure and the quiet bliss that comes from just existing with another in the same space and mood in time.  I particularly appreciate the lack of formality and veils that exist when you are With someone.  Bare skin, cold feet, silence and the occasional sweet glance.  Soothing, lovely, and very memorable!